Poison Pen

ghost writing

2006-11-02T13:02:00.000-08:00

Why are you still here, reading this? Don't you know that I'm dead? Or - to be more accurate - I never was, except here... online.

I have been recalled by the creator. Alas! I shall leave for the great blogspot in the sky, where we may find old bloggers, those who faded away, those who gave up, and yea - those who never were.

Here in the hereafter, I seem to have recovered my ability to correctly punctuate, so maybe it is all they said it would be. After all, I was (mostly) a good girl during my brief life. IF I was a girl at all, that is. Or if I even was.

Maybe I wasn't. Except in your minds' eye.

KHATAM

let them freeze

2006-06-16T13:23:00.000-07:00

so i saw a video of that song in fanaa. the one thats been shot in poland, even though it looked just like a set to me. anyway, so like many other people, the thing that i noticed in the song wasn't the music or the location or anything like that. it was the fact that kajol was wearing this really sheer outfit in the freezing cold, while aamir was covered from head to toe in a thick woolen outfit.

this is not the first time they did something like this. in pukaar, they got madhuri to walk around in antarctica in a chiffon sari!! and then, they even cut the song out of the movie. all this while anil kapoor was bundled up in thick jackets. if i remember, madhuri was really pissed off about this.

now i know how incredibly uncomfortable it gets in these climates. to spend hours shooting a song in just a chiffon sari must be blue murder. i've never been to antarctica, but its probably ten times worse. and i would be mad to step out in winter without adequate protection.

so why this unfairness? since my mind is always digging up conspiracy theories, it seemed to me that this is some kind of complicated ploy by the men. convince the women that its more important for us to look good, which means baring enough skin, than protect ourselves from frostbite. thats not the case with men, who can be bundled up in five layers and still be hot (pun intended).

if you think about it, this is part of a deeper problem. for women, fashionability and comfort are often at loggerheads. this is NEVER a problem for men. they can wear flat shoes and be warm and toasty under layers of clothing, and never worry about the fact that they're not looking good. they dont need to worry about straps peeking out, or tops slipping. they just button everything in place and are fine for the rest of the day.

doesn't any one else think that this is all a HUGE conspiracy? they keep telling us that we need to be uncomfortable to look good. and when you're uncomfortable, you can't think straight. how are you going to be CEO of your company if the only thing you can think about is how much your feet hurt? its like we've been brainwashed into making ourselves weaker, just so that they can run the world in their smart shirts and trousers.

oh, and you know what else i discovered? men actually have a HIGHER body temperature. so they should need to wear even LESS clothes than women on cold days, not MORE. i demand that any song shot in the snow must involve a bare-chested hero. (unless its anil kapoor).

competition

2006-06-01T11:57:00.000-07:00

by now i guess everyone knows about the return of the hawk, who knows everything about female psychology, and is oh-so-witty; and his world-cup of fembloggers (please see it here, if you haven;t). if you remember the hawk, he used to have this blog which is now dead, where he told us how terrible we were because we were smart and interesting, and not at all like how-women-should-be in hawkworld. back then he was funny in a pathetic kind of way. now he's just funny. i am so impressed by his new avatar, that i've reorganised my sidebar as a tribute to the competition. in fact, i want to thank him for introducing me to so many really great blogs.

aha, i think i see the man's devious ploy. he links to a whole bunch of us. then the word spreads, so we each go and take a look. while we are there, we visit all other blogs mentioned because of shared infamy, and then we like them so much that we keep visiting and that completely ruins our productivity at work. so this is like his long-term devious plan for removing women from the workplace and sending them where they belong, the hawkkitchen.

but whatever his motives are, i love the world cup format. so i propose we organise a similar competition, but this time among the men. so i present (ta-da):-

Team 1

Attention Whore - The Hawk
Spewer of Venom - Kill Them
Misogynist - Pesky but Honest

ok, so this is only 3 members till now, but i'm sure we can come up with more. i'm open to suggestions from people, and then we can make the rules of the competition. cool?

language and breakups

2006-05-05T13:09:00.000-07:00

this is kind of a continuation of the previous post. since i wsa talking about not having a word for "having sex" in regular hindi, and that carried on into a discussion on culture and language and someone said that since casual sex didn't happen in india until recently, there was no need for such a word in hindi.

so, i was reminded of a time many years ago when i was in college and i was dating X then. now there were some guys i knew who spoke almost totally in bangla. once it so happened that X was talking to some of these guys and as i was walking towards them, one of them said to X, "ei. tor bou aashchhe". now this got me really really annoyed. because i was not married, and not even close, so i felt it only right that they use an appropriate word. of course, they found it really funny, and for a long time after that, everytime they saw me someone would ask "tor bor kothaye", and then they would laugh at their own little joke.

X would try and pacify me on these occasions. he told me that they didn't mean anything. its just that they used the words "bor" and "bou" to refer to any couple in college, mainly because there really wern't any better words in bangla for "boyfriend" and "girlfriend". and while i insisted that that wasn't an excuse, they could just use the english words instead since it wasn't like they didn't know english, at some point i also asked why bangla didn't have functional expressions for these concepts, especially because its not like its entirely new. my parents and most of their friends had love marriages, so for some period they were all girlfriends and boyfriends. how come nobody ever came up with a good word or two?

but then X said "well, they all got married eventually, right? so it wouldn't have been wrong to call them 'bor' and 'bou'". of course this seemed like very silly logic to me, and i said so. its like once you enter a relationship, your fate is sealed. of course, this caused another fight, where X asked whether i was saying that it was stupid of people to expect to get married, and so on. but thats not the point.

now when i think about it, a large number of those relationships did end in marriage. so many people i know just married the first person they went out with. i'm not trying to suggest that the marriages were ill-advised, but i can't help wondering whether they might not have had the courage to break up, just because once they got into the relationship, they got swept away by the tide. that because everyone started assuming that they had to get married, they did and not because they particularly wanted to. whether they might not have been happier with someone else.

but then, we'll never know.

whats love got to do with it?

2006-04-15T14:09:00.000-07:00

so, i was watching a hindi flick after ages. A decided he wanted to watch a real masala bollywood movie, but there was no way i was going to waste an evening watching garam masala. so we compromised and watched 'hum tum', which i'd already watched. but i didnt mind seeing it again. he quite liked it, and i told him how this was pretty bold by bollywood standards, because they actually showed a couple who had premarital sex, and didn't moralise about it. but he said he thought it was kind of conservative, since they never used the word sex, which was an important part of 'when harry met sally', but instead kept using the word "pyar". and that started a discussion.

you know, i've always found it odd that there's no polite word in bangla or hindi for the act of sex. there's "jouno" which is a general prefix for sex-related concepts, like "jouno-rog" for std's. but jounokormo is just too obscure to use. my hindi isn't great, but i think the hindi word for sex is kaam, which is funny because its similar to the word for work. and "kaam karna" is so inappropriate for "having sex". of course there's the ch** word which just sounds terrible, and you really can't use it in polite company. i don't use it at all, because its just downright offensive.

so the choice is between really obscure words which no one uses and rude words which you shouldn't. english is so much better in that regard. you can f***, you can have sex, or you can make love. all of them are very different ways of doing basically the same thing. i guess the hindi obsession with pyar is equivalent to "making love". but one doesn't always "make love". sometimes one has casual sex. or even when you're with your boyfriend/partner, you can have sex of a kind that can under no circumstances be called "making love". what do you do then?

imagine a conversation where one friend asks another about a date she had - "so, did you guys have sex?". its a simple question without any judgement attached. how would you say it in bangla? "tomra ch***"? "tumi oke bhalobashle"? that's just funny. i guess you could literally transalate "sleeping together" but "tumi ki or shathe shule"? is just bleah!

so, until someone comes up with a better word, men and women in india will just do pyar, no sex.

pictures!!!!

2006-03-31T11:33:00.000-08:00

yes, so i have finally decided to stop being a lazy bum and prettify my blog with some pictures. and today i was sent some photos by star blogger antara, who i bumped into at harvard the other day. i was lucky because she was leaving for the uk in a day or two. so, anyway her friend took some photos of us and they were then mailed, which was nice of her since she's already a continent away. so to show my gratitude, i have decided the first pic on my blog will be hers (i have her permission to, so dont worry).

and since she makes a very nice subject, here's a blurry shot from a chance meeting at the aquarium.
and since we are talking about harvard, here are some pics that i took last summer, when i had met her for the first time during my tour of cambridge. i think i had promised to post some pics back then, but better late than never, you know.

so the second one is a bit blurry, but i blame it on the setting sun :)

ok, enough for now. maybe i'll post some more later when the mood strikes.

its a small world

2006-03-20T21:49:00.000-08:00

so A and i were talking the other day, and i mentioned my old friend B, and how i recently got back in touch with him. he's moving to houston, and was had asked me to come visit him once he set up his place, and then all of a sudden A asks, "is this B who studied at so-and-so college?" so, it turned out it was the same person. that is not surprising. what is is that A has never been to india and his only knowledge of india is through scattered relatives. turned out that one of his friends met B while B was doing a summer project in spain. A met B at heathrow airport of all places, and they exchanged messenger ids and that was that.

but that wasnt the end of it. i probed a little more and i found that A knows a whole bunch of B's friend, or at least has heard of them, and i know many of them too. and i was thinking how is it that in a country so huge, you still can always find people who know people who you know. but then i realized that all the indians here are from a handful of cities and maybe 20 colleges. in fact, theres only some 40 or 50 schools from which they come from. its really scary to know how incredibly small "our kind" of indians are relative to the country as a whole. and its true, no matter what group we talk of, no matter how many we are, we are just a miniscule proportion of the whole country.

and this reminded me of why i dont like stargazing. just a little bit and i realize how tiny the earth is in the universe, and how tiny i am on earth. the idea that my living or not couldnt make any difference to anyone at all makes me quite depressed.

this wasnt much of a post, but i just felt like saying something. blah!

blank noise project blogathon

2006-03-07T14:11:00.000-08:00

i realised i am lucky.

this isn't something that just sprang up and hit me. this is something i realised piece by piece over many years.

i am lucky...

...because i have a father who instilled in me values such as self-respect, determination and integrity. not fear or shame.
some fathers are the reason their daughters can never look a man in the eye.

...because i have a mother who taught her daughter that her body was not something to be embarassed of.
some mothers have no choice.

...because i have a small but close-knit extended family. because i have a brother and male cousins who wouldn't let anyone harm a hair on my head, and yet were cool enough to always allow me to join in on whatever crazy adventure they had planned. because i have an uncle who would do anything for me if i only ask.
some cousins and uncles will do to you whatever they want. no amount of asking, pleading or crying will make them stop.

...because i lived close enough to school and college for my parents to drop me off almost every day that i lived with them. because we could afford a car of our own that inadvertantly served as my armor against the world outside.
many girls have to wage a constant losing battle against the multitude of hands coming at them from every side while they try to balance in a crowded bus.

...because i have spent my adult years in a country where i don't get gawked at and groped by every man i meet, if i choose to step out of the house in a short skirt.
not everyone has the resources to leave.

but in spite of all this; in spite of every possible safeguard against it, i have faced harassment. nothing can save you. nothing. then why do i feel lucky?

...because unlike jyotsna, i wasn't dragged to a police station by the very men i had dared to lodge a complaint against, where the policemen calmly watched as i rescinded my complaint.

...because unlike kamini, i wasn't molested at gunpoint in a public place in the middle of the afternoon in one of the largest cities in the world.

...because unlike priyanka, my boyfriend never spent a month in traction for trying to stand up to men who were groping me in a deserted bus.

...because unlike devi, i wasn't held down and violated, while i screamed for my boyfriend to stay back or they would kill me.

...because unlike the hundreds of women like them, and more, i don't have to face ritual public humiliation every moment of every waking day.

...because my experiences pale in comparison to those of the other, braver women who are participating in this blogathon.

it shouldn't be this way.

i should be able to feel angry at evey single lewd remark, at every single unwanted wolf whistle, at every single man who tried to strip me with his eyes.

i shouldn't have to hear people tell me to relax. tell me i'm overreacting, that these things happen, and that i need to get real.

i have no experiences to talk about that would shock you into silence. maybe you have been desensitized. the fault is not mine. in a perfect world, you would share my outrage.

until then, i will keep reminding myself how lucky i am.

please go and look at the main page of the blank noise project. please take note. if they can make you feel outraged, then they have been successful.

ps: all names have been changed. everything else is true.

yet another tag

2006-02-21T22:49:00.000-08:00

ooooh, another tag. now im really starting to feel like a clothing store :). anyway, this is a tag by tablemannered and its about the ideal lover. so heres what i have to do.

The rules of the tag being (simply copy-pasting from her blog):
1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover.
2. You have to mention the sex of the target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on their comments saying they've been tagged.
4. If tagged the 2nd time, there's no need to post again.

hmmmmm.....

so, the first thing that came to mind when i started composing this post was, whether my checklist would have been different had i received this tag in november. for those who dont know, i have recently started seeing someone, and so i wonder whether i can be perfectly unbiased in this exercise.

anyway, here's my list of 8 criteria. whether A satisfies any or all of them is something im not revealing. im treating this totally as a thought experiment. so here i go.

oh, first off, i have to mention that the target's male (no, reeeeeally???)

and now, the 8 qualities.

1. must be a connoisseur of food.

this is clearly the most important criterion. any man who thinks that the sole purpose of eating is to stay alive, is immediately struck off my list. he needs to know the difference between pesto and pasta, needs to have broad enough tastes to enjoy both well-cooked shorshey ilish and sashimi, and needs to be adventurous enough to constantly want to experiment with food. he shouldn't turn his nose up at the thought of eating anything. if a place has baked eel as its specialty, then he must not make a face when i order it. in fact, since he's ideal, he should order one himself, and then be able to comment on the preparation.

oh, there's more. but i think i'll make that a new point.

2. should enjoy cooking.

its a kind of an overlap, but just to be clear, i dont really want someone who likes to eat out every single day. i love to just sit at home, and i dont want to have to eat ramen whenever i decide im not going out. i also enjoy cooking, so i could cook for myself, but he needs to share here. and he shouldnt only be able to scramble eggs. if need be, he should be able to make a full meal (and it needs to be edible) on his own. and it would be still better if he's the kind who likes to always help out in the kitchen. nothing says team player better.

3. should understand the concept of private time.

this is kind of important. ever so often, i feel like i want to be alone. its not like i go into a sulk or anything. its just that i need to be by myself. at times like that i need him to understand and just carry on with his life. also, its not like i do this often, so he really shouldnt complain.

4. should have good personal hygiene.

now when it comes to the looks department, im not incredibly picky. im not particularly sold on the metrosexual man concept either, so it doesnt bother me if his hair isn't gelled perfectly into place all the time, or if his shoes dont match his shirt. BUT it is absolutely essential for him to be neat and clean. i have no fascination for unwashed cavemen. if you cant take a bath every day, thats not sexy, thats just yucky. teeth must be brushed, beards trimmed and hair cut to a manageable length. if you cant manage that, then youre just a slob. and i dont do slobs.

5. must be a non-smoker.

now this is not a judgmental thing. even though i dont smoke, im pretty tolerant of people who do. i have many friends who light up whenever they get a chance, and ive got used to the smell of burnt tobacco thanks to my dad. but on the other hand, i dont have to kiss my friends. and theres nothing i find more disgusting than a mouth full of smoky aftertaste. brushing does not help, neither do mints. im sorry, but im just sensitive. its between me and the cancer sticks. pick one.

6. should be taller than me.

ok, this sounds a little shallow, i admit. and i guess its something that i could quite easily learn to live without if the other criteria were met. but since we're talking about ideals, i'll say it. i get self conscious when im in public with shorter guys. i keep feeling the need to slouch, and something as simple as putting an arm around him while walking becomes awkward. so yes, he needs to be taller than 5'8" (which is my height, in case you missed it).

7. must respect women.

and yeah, this is very very general, but i mean it. and im going to be very strict on this one. so that means no calling other girls sluts in my presence, no leering, not even at the women on baywatch. and even when in the presence of other guys, he is not allowed to discuss women like they were pieces of meat. if he does, i will be rude. to him and everyone else. ive been told im not a good sport, but im sorry, thats the way i am, and he has to live with this.

8. has to read the news.

the last thing i want is for a bunch of our friends to get together and discuss the war in iraq, and for him to say "chalabi, who?". he doesnt need to have an encyclopedic knowledge, but an overview of whats happening in the world is essential. he doesnt need to have an opinion on everything, but he should be able to contribute to any intelligent conversation, whether with me, or with a big group of people.

ta da. that was easier than i thought :D

so now i have to tag 8 people. hmmm. since i see its mainly spreading among the women bloggers, i'll spread it around. so i hereby tag: goti, arka, sagnik, urmi, buchu, gypsynan, teleute and laura.

initialising

2006-01-20T07:53:00.000-08:00

so i was thinking about this earlier, and had even written a post on it, but for some reason it didnt show up completely. anyway, im writing it again.

i dont know if you guys noticed it, but the previous post was the first one ive written about my ex-boyfriend (except for one small post at the beginning). its not that i was concerned about keeping that part of my life a secret. its just that once i found out that he reads my blog and even commented on it, i just felt squeamish about even mentioning him. in fact, there were so many times that i started a post relating some story in which he featured, even in passing, but stopped myself because i wasnt sure what he would make of it.

anyway, so now that i have comment moderation (yay!), and have sorted things out in real life too, i dont need to worry about that anymore. but theres also the question of how to refer to him on the blog. i cant use his real name. thats when i noticed that most women bloggers refer to the men in their past and present by a single letter. em and tablemannered have their respective K's, and mint chutney has her D, for example. so, i decided who am i to break tradition and so have decided to reduce the men in my life to initials.

now all thats left is what letters to choose. the ex is obvious. he will from now on be X. not only does that stand for ex, but its also a very prominent cross mark that signifies "wrong answer". its also a cancellation mark, and putting the X mark on any road sign is like adding the word "no" (like "no parking", "no overtaking"). so thats it then. he will be X.

but what about the current man? he has requested that i dont do any posts about him, so im not going to, but what about all the posts where he appears as a supporting character. if an interesting thing happened while we were on our way to a restaurant, then i cant possibly pretend that he wasnt there. this he has accepted on the condition that he pick his own letter. and he will now be referred to as A. why A? no, its not the first letter of its name (or maybe it is ;)). his reason is the geekiest thing ive ever heard. so, in physics, A is the letter that represents electric current. get it? get it? CURRENT! you know, like the opposite of EX!! gawd, these engineering types. oooof!

big brother

2006-01-18T02:33:00.000-08:00

so, i just saw teleute's post on how she was caught by the police while making out in public. i was quite amused, and at the same time amazed at how on one hand things have changed so much and on the other, things have not changed at all.

so the incident i was reminded of was waaaaay back, when i was in college. so it happened like this. i was fresh into college, and was with my then boyfriend (in fact the previous post was about this selfsame character, but sadly i managed to lose it. ill write it again). anyway, so i was with X and we were sitting side by side near the main gate. no snogging was happening (hey, this was the early nineties and we didnt know what that word meant), but we were sitting almost side by side (this sounds very juvenile and silly, but you must remember to put it into context). so, i was being very coy (again, this was the first blush of puppy love, so forgive me for coming across as a complete airhead) and choosing not to talk to the boy. X would have none of this though, and he decided to put his arm around me.

now what i forgot to mention was that there had been some recent trouble in college (election related, as usual), and so a couple of cops were just wandering around. i think they were waiting for their superior to emerge from some important meeting or something. anyway, they had been casting disapproving glances at all the twitterpated couples right through te day. giggly children annoyed them for some reason. now it so happened that when my strong manly boyfriend decided to cuddle a little, one cop was staring right at us. so, full of indignation and boredom, he marched right up and asked us what we were up to.

this was when i began behaving like a total bitch. for one thing i gently removed X's hand from my shoulder and proceeded to look the other way, completely ignoring both boys. this made the cop angrier and he started telling us how this was most inappropriate behaviour and if it had been his beat he would have arrested us and really, what were children up to these days? i very sweetly continued ignoring him, and this just got him worked up. around this time, the boyfriend jumped up and demanded what right the cop had to boss us around. this was our campus after all, and he could just go to hell. by now it was quite a screaming match.

finally the cop moves so he is standing right in front of me and threatens to tell all my teachers and have me expelled. without looking up, i told him that he could go right ahead. but he should know that i wasnt a student of the college. this caused the fight to break up. the cop immediately demanded what i was doing here then. i pointed to the boyfriend and said that i had come to visit him. by now i was on something of a roll, so i finished by saying that i would have stayed in my own college, except for the fact that the cops threatened to have me expelled.

after an uncomfortable silence, the other cop walked up and told me that i really shouldnt be hanging out in other peoples colleges and that i should go. so i quietly picked up my bag and walked out. the boyfriend followed, screaming at the cops as he left. yes, he was a bit of a windbag, but i thought he was quite sweet.

so anyway, i am pleased to see that everyones tolerance levels have been raised. now its not handholding, but snogging that gets the cops all hot and bothered. but why oh why cant they just leave the poor kids alone. the city still cant stand young love it seems. how sad.

2005

2006-01-09T22:08:00.000-08:00

yes, its another one of those year ending posts. only, its a bit late. please to be forgiving. we have been incredibly busy on all fronts (yes, all fronts ;).

so what do i have to say about 2005. it wasnt really the best of years for me. in fact, it was one of the worse ones. it was a year of prolonged bouts of depression, but it was also a year of deep soulsearching. it was a year of loneliness, but also a year that forced me to be self-reliant. it was a year where i learnt what pressure truly is, but it is also the year when i learnt that i can deal with that and more. it was a year that began on a blundering note, but ended with purpose. decisions were taken for me. some by family and friends, some just by circumstances. but ultimately, i learnt to take my own decisions. friends were lost, but better friends were discovered. former lovers turned into stalkers and friends became lovers. annoying younger siblings became great buddies and girlfriends became sworn enemies. i moved away from family, but ended up being closer to them than ever before.

many things happened that were entirely positive. i learned to drive. i learned that i can actually eat my own cooking. i ate other peoples' cooking too, and indulged my palate. i discovered boston. i kick myself for not realisinig what an amazing city i live in. i spent plenty of time on my own wandering the streets of boston. i think i may even be developing an eye for architecture. oh, and how could i forget. i started a blog. there were fits and starts there too. there were rude commenters and blog stalkers, but more importantly there were wonderful people i met (virtually and in real life) through the blog. i will make it a point in 2006 to maintain all the friendships with these people.

if i was to talk abou this year, i will call it the year of the lost and found. in which vishnupriya was at a loss for mosty of the year, but found herself by the end of it.

hello 2006.

im alive!!

2006-01-04T05:28:00.000-08:00

yes i am. and not only alive, but very happy, and having warm fuzzies. reasons for happiness will be detailed. but in short, a combination of work, fun and hectic travelling meant no blogging. S called from india. after hearing me gush, she says "aha! that confirms my theory that only sad losers blog, and now that youre not a loser anymore, you too have stopped". i was terribly annoyed. losers indeed! hmph! in fact, its only people with NO writing talent whatsoever that dont blog. so this is me sticking up for fellow bloggers (we are NOT losers. NOT NOT NOT) and sticking tongue out at S (who's the loser now?). no no just kidding. we are all winners here. no losers (gawd! i sound like a filmfare award winner).

oh, and somewhere along the line, the blog turned one. what a roller coaster year its been. happy birthday blog.

someones always watching

2005-11-16T23:35:00.000-08:00

mint chutney said this about my previous post in which i mentioned how i cant blog like no ones watching.

Amen. I too have had this conversation several times. I keep saying we should all get together and start an anonymous blog and wrote what's really on our minds.

if anyone has been reading my blog since it started (i know of exactly two, so thank you loyal readers :)), you will notice that it has evolved. when it started, there would be random posts without any particular purpose. truth is, i had no idea what kind of a blogger i would be. some bloggers are funny, some are analytical, some are deeply personal, others are rambling, and still others are beautifully literary. what kind of a blogger would i be, i wondered when i started.

i wrote a couple of random posts, but they made little sense even to me. then i tried to be movie critic briefly, but it didnt take me long to realise i was trying too hard. i thought of writing some gossippy posts, but my life isnt really that interesting. hardly enough scandal there to make up one post, let alone an entire blog.

but the most productive period came when i began to express some opinions that not everyone agreed with. i blogged with zeal there. i fought to justify things i believed in. however, that ended with some very hurtful and personal attacks. during that period, i crossed a line of decency that i had set out for myself.

there was no one to fight anymore, but my opinions were drawing unwanted interest. unlike many others who choose to blog anonymously, personal details about me are easily available to an enterprising soul. some people found my blog and just let it be known that they were here too. i would rather not have had anything to do with these people, but i cant wish them away. the blog allows them an entry into my life they do not have otherwise. i can ignore their calls, and refuse to reply to emails, but there will always be a lag before i can delete an oversmart comment. enough time for them to make a nuisance of themselves.

well, since i know you read my blog, heres a message to you. i have nothing to say to you anymore, nor am i compelled to listen to you. my opinion of you cannot sink any lower, so dont even try. i dont even know what you ever hoped to accomplish, but if you wanted to force me to respond to you, its not going to happen.

oh, and theres this wonderful thing called comment moderation, which is why i am in love with blogger again. so basically, baby, youre screwed.

now go throw yourself off a cliff or something.

se7en

2005-11-05T10:43:00.000-08:00

ok, here's my post. so stop complaining you guys. sadly, its another tag thingy. it seems i only post when someone gives me a brief. my professional life is spilling into my blog. aaaah!

anyway, this on is courtesy vishnupriya the other.

seven things i plan to do:

1. earn POTS of money
2. spend all of it
3. write a comic play
4. go to the gym every day until i can balance a bottle on my belly
5. visit japan
6. go on a blind date and remain sober throughout
7. learn esperanto

------------------------

seven things i can't do:

1. ride a bicycle
2. remember names
3. read a book in one sitting
4. control my temper
5. flirt properly
6. make sparkling witty conversation when im sober
7. blog like no ones watching

-------------------------

seven things i say most often:

1. oh, oh, oh, oh!!
2. ok (sometimes followed by) fiiiiine.
3. oooooh! (happy) / OOOOOH! (furious)
4. really (as a a catch-all adjective, like 'really big', 'really nice', 'really really cute', etc)
5. so (as a sentence-starter)
6. what-ever (recently acquired)
7. i hate that!

and i hate that i cant think of more interesting things about myself. maybe i should just accept that i am an uninteresting person. but my blog and i dont care. so there!

ok, now im a couple with my blog. scary!

anyway, i need to spread the misery, so i tag the two people who have been on my case to post, rimi and arka. oh, and gypsynan too, just for fun.

petition

2005-10-22T23:47:00.000-07:00

everyone knows about the iipm controversy. this post is to point everyone to the following petition (courtesy Arka).

i'm copying verbatim the appeal on arka's blog

---------------------------------------------

The purpose of this petition is to express solidarity with the bloggers who have suffered threats and abuse at the hands of IIPM and also to draw attention to the original issues at the heart of the JAM story on IIPM.

If you believe that journalists and the media should be free to inform the public of false advertisements, which directly or indirectly affects their lives;

If you believe education should not be reduced to a marketable commodity;

If you believe that blogging is a powerful supplement to traditional media;

If you believe that bloggers should be entitled to individual opinions as also their own online space for airing and discussing these opinions;

If you believe in standing up for your rights; as an active member of society, as a blogger, as a citizen with the right to know

Please show your support to this cause, by going to the following website, and adding your signature. Also, if you're a blogger, please carry this article on your blog. Thirdly, do pass this e-mail around to all your contacts.

The bloggers of bangalore are also going to stage a silent, sit-in demonstration on Monday, the 24th of October, in front of IIPM, Bangalore, to express their support to this cause. If you think the right to express our opinions is one of our fundamental, inalienable rights, do inform as many people as you can about this proposed demonstration.

-------------------------------------

the bloggers of bangalore have my full support. we shall not be moved.

lengthening

2005-10-17T13:48:00.000-07:00

about the 55-word tag, i have to admit that i took a longer story that ihad written way back and chopped it to size. but, i still think, and Rimi agrees with me, that the longer one was clearly better. so please forgive this bit of self-back-patting, as i do present some unconstrained fiction. those of you who have read the short one, sorry for killing the suspense.

---------------------------------------------------------

Mrs. Chatterjee, what are you doing here at the
airport?

My daughter is coming from the US. We are all very
excited. She's also bringing her boyfriend with her.

Boyfriend, hmmm. Indian boy?

No, no. He's American. We told her, we are very
liberal parents. We have no problem if you have an
American boyfriend. But please let us meet him. There
should be no secrets between parent and child, no.

What a wonderful attitude to take, Mrs. Chatterjee. So
is this the first time you will meet this boy?

Oh yes. But we've heard so much about him. He is
studying law at Harvard, and doing very well. And he's
a very good boy also from a good family. Mona even
told me he's trying to learn Bangla.

What a nice thing to do. He must be wonderful.

Maa, Maa. Is Monadi here yet? I want to see
Richard-da.

Maa, I think Richard-da will be handsome like Tom
Cruise, don't you?

Oh, I'm sure. Mona is such a beauty herseld. He will
be even more handsome than that model boy. What's his
name? I don't remember.

Maa, Maa, there's Monadi.

Oh, oh. Mona over here! Here! But where's Richard?

She was so lost in thought that she didn't notice her
mother and brothers waving frantically at her. She let
her hand rest gently on his powerful shoulders. She
sighed. This was the happiest day of her life.

He gently looked at her. At six feet four, he towered
over her. Four years of varsity level tennis had
helped him sculpt the physique that was the envy of
his classmates. Yet, as he looked towards her, his
soft brown eyes revealed his gentle nature. The most
sought after man in his peer group, but he only had
eyes for her, and she knew it. He raised his hand to
run it through her hair one more time, when he saw the
two little boys frantically waving.

There they were. Her mother and brothers. The boys
couldn't contain their excitement. But her mother
seemed less warm than she expected. They walked hand
in hand towards her.

He had practiced this a hundred times. With a swift
movement, he bent down to touch the feet of the woman
standing in front of him. He knew he could not have
made a better first impression.

She noticed that her mothers hands stayed by her side
as he bent in "pranam". She frowned slightly.

As he straightened, he looked at the face of the woman
whose family he hoped to be part of. He smiled a warm
smile. His pearly white teeth shone in dazzling
contrast to the flawless ebon skin of his face.

blog wars

2005-10-13T04:44:00.000-07:00

ok, you all know what this is about. war has broken out. on one side is a ponytailed egomaniac and his cronies. on the other side are the bloggers of the world. please see desipundit for updates.

so i have decided that i need to add my two cents to this. why should i bother, someone asked me? i mean, its not like your blog is particularly popular. and none of whats happening really concerns you. so dont bother. post some stories instead.

but i clearly havent taken her advice. i had to put this post up. why? because this isssue is bigger than me. its bigger than each and every one of the bloggers out there. and its bigger than mr. management guru, though he doesnt realise it. this is an issue of democracy and free speech. this is about defending our basic human rights, and in the case of india, our CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS!

weve seen it happen before. an artist paints something that offends some group and they threaten him with bodily harm, and the painting is withdrawn. a movie hall is ransacked by people who dont agree with the topic. talk show hosts fawn over powerful politicians for fear of saying something that will offend them. in india, everyone is afraid of speaking his mind. we are always looking over our shoulders in case someone decides to send a gang of thugs after us. we have no support from the police, elected officials, or even the press. the freest press in the world chooses to publish mindless crap and shies away from taking stands on any issue. basically in india, we were not even close to being free.

but then came the internet, and with it the online forum and the blog. a space of your own, that is outside national boundaries. that is completely free from interference by government and non-government goondas. that is what my blog is. its where i express my opinions on issues and speak my mind. it cant be burnt or broken, and no one can stop me from saying what i please.

thats what we all though. thats what rashmi, gaurav and varna thought. now someone has shown that he can take their freedom of expression away. he tried through underhand tactics to cow them through threats, insults and finally some overtly unethical armtwisting. he even caused gaurav to quit.

but he has not won this. in fact, he has no chance of winning this one. for the first time, indian bloggers and some of bloggers from other countries, are united as never before. we may be small, but we have shown that we have the power to really shake things up. really, mr arindam chaudhuri had no idea who he was up against. he is going down and he is going down hard.

the same friend also asked what we could possibly do to him. we can write and write till were blue in the face and it wont affect him a bit.

but thatss not true. the more we write, the more we are heard. the next tiem some student is wondering where to apply, he will think twice about submitting his application to iipm. the lies that they spread are now exposed. no one will believe their full-page ads. we can flood the blogsphere with real information, so that his lies can be drowned out. and that is hitting him where it hurts. when the number of applications to iipm drops drastically, because that is bound to happen.

someone said we should be concerned with the students. well, not really. mr ponytail will just form a new company and hire more people to keep his 100% placement record intact. but as the quality of students entering his institute plummets, he will realise that he cant keep this up.

so i wrote thiss post. because i believe this is important. i also think its a turning point. the bonds between mainstream media and the blogsphere have been strengthened, and non-techies are hearing the word "blog" for the first time. this will give a fillip to blogdom like never before. this is truly an historic event.

and i also wrote it because i want to be able to say that when the great blog war happened, i was on the right side. and that we won.

i also appeal to all my blogger friends to show your solidarity. no need for a post. just say youre here, and that you want to be counted. i know that many of you prefer not to post about political issues, but this is something that attacks your very right to exist. if you dont speak up now, you may never again be heard.

mr chaudhuri has truly counted his chicken too early.

ps - please go to the fake blogs and flag them. the button is on the top right of each blog.

tag: part 2

2005-10-04T03:39:00.000-07:00

so im also supposed to delve into my blog archive, find my 23rd post (or closest to), find the fifth sentence (or closest to) and post the text online.

well, thats tricky. depending on my definition of what counts as a post. so it could be one of the following

------------------------------

"also, thats not a black eye."

"and i WILL post."

"if not, ask resident english language expert alfred prufrock, whose love song is still being sung."

"i dont know when ill be back, but i know i will be."

--------------------------------

you know, these are completely out of context, but theres a story hiding in there somewhere. hmmmmmmm.

oh, i also have to pass on these tags. so i will be lazy and pass both tags (the 55-word story and this one) to gati, urmea, tablemannered, gypsynan and the other vishnupriya.

enjoy.

name tags, price tags, book tags, and now this...

2005-09-30T17:47:00.000-07:00

a good way to return to active blogging. i have been double-tagged by em. the second tag says i have to write a story in 55 words. so here is my attempt.

-------------------------

My daughter is coming, with her AMERICAN boyfriend. This is the first time we will be seeing him. We are all very excited.
…

There she is! But…

They walked together towards the dumbstruck lady. His gentle eyes belied his rugged physique. His flawless ebon skin glowed in the lamplight.

He bent and touched her feet.

why i dont like sania mirza

2005-09-22T02:08:00.000-07:00

ok, you can shoot me now. i know shes the darling of the press (both indian and western), but im sorry for being the spoilsport here who just refuses to buy into the whole "sania-mania" thing. so the question is why dont i like her?

am i jealous of her because shes done more in 18 years than ive managed in 20-something? no, because then id have to hate half the world. ive adjusted quite well to the fact that im mediocre.

then is it because shes not good? no, no, not that either. i saw her play against the best in the world and hold her own. she's pretty good, and if she works on the first serve a bit she could be a world-beater.

no, the reason i dislike her is that shes decided to play up the fact that shes a "muslim girl from a third world country". in all the coverage shes got from the western press, this fact about her has harped upon. somehow she doesnt fit the image of muslim girls that the western media has, so they all ooh and aah about her.

then she goes and makes ridiculous statements about how she asks allah fro forgivenbess every night, because shes forced to play in a miniskirt. she says she never wears minis in public in india. ummm, i have to ask, WHO DOES??? girls (of all religions, btw) in india dont wear miniskirts in public because its not safe, not for religious reasons! but thats not the case in the us, so everyone goes "wow, how conservative is THAT?"

and her father goes one step further. the wta should change the rules so that women can play in trousers. apparently the only reason more girls dont play tennis in india is cos their fathers freak out at teh thought of their little cherubs showing off their bare legs (this is straight out of "bend it like beckham" but less funny). i hate to point this out to the man, but the wta has very little to do about this. if sania wants shes perfectly free to wear a burqa on court. it might restrict her movement, but hey its for the cause of all girls held back by western licentuousness.

no please, look at her. forget teh miniskirts. see the bold message tees she wears in press conferences. see the multiple piercings in her ears. look, and youll see a spunky young girl, but who is a TYPICAL INDIAN URBAN TEENAGER. the key word is TYPICAL. but see, if shes just like any other girl of her age group. but then thats not unusual. that doesnt make her stand out in a crowd of great players from a hundred countries. mahesh and leander never played up their religions and remained marginal in the tennis world, in spite of a string of grand slams.

so sania harps on the fact that shes a conservative muslim and all of a sudden shes different. and the western media lap it up.

so the reason i dont like her is that shes using her religion as her USP. which is pretty much what politicians in india have been doing for years. but i expected better from her. she could have gone down as a great indian player, but instead shell be the best FEMALE MUSLIM player from india.

real beauty

2005-09-16T18:07:00.000-07:00

i guess most people in the us have noticed doves new campaign for real beauty. its got a lot of reviews from the press and most of them have been good. also its a really catchy campaign, and i wonder why nobody thought of it before. i mean, the idea is just brilliant. make an ad featuring, not models, but ordinary women, and then prove that your product really works. like they said, these supermodels are born with fabulous skin, and so it doesnt say much for the product theyre using. so this is a great capmpaign idea.

but also i like the idea that someone has woken up to the fact that american ideals of beauty are now so warped that almost no one considers herself beautiful anymore, and thats sad. weve all heard about the barbie doll and how it encourages negative body image issues among young girls. we see clothes being modelled by women who would look good in anything and then are expected to fit into those clothes. everywhere its the same, you HAVE to have a body and face that match some ideal or youre ugly.

i have to say cheers to dove. this is a really great campaign, andf many of the facrts there are rela eye-opneners. please go and read it and sign on the book too. i did.

i hear that these days this problem has started in india too, with young girls going on crash diets and turning bulimic to try and stay model-thin. well, india has always forced ideals of beauty on its women, but that was more to do with light skin (i refuse to use the word fair), and less to do with wieght. anyway, indian men were supposed to prefer plump women so that all the ramp models who entered films had to put on weight to be acceptable. but now they have to be skinny
AND light-skinned, in other words indian women have to be european.

ill stop now and write the rest as another post later.

what is it with people ???!!!!!

2005-09-12T22:10:00.000-07:00

got this in the mail, from two different people. i'm sure most indians have got this or some variation of it.

-------------------------------
I couldn't' stop making this comparison... ...

inches of rain in new orleans due to hurricane katrina... 18
inches of rain in mumbai (July 27th).... 37.1

population of new orleans... 484,674
population of mumbai.... 12,622,500

deaths in new orleans within 48 hours ofkatrina...100
deaths in mumbai within 48hours of rain.. 37.

number of people to be evacuated in new orleans...entire city..wohh
number of people evacuated in mumbai...10,000

Cases of shooting and violence in neworleans...Countless
Cases of shooting and violence in mumbai.. NONE

Time taken for US army to reach new orleans...48hours
Time taken for Indian army and navy to reach mumbai...12hours

status 48hours later...new orleans is still waiting for relief, army and electricty
status 48hours later..mumbai is back on its feet and is business is as usual

USA...world's most developed nation
India...JUST A DEVELOPING NATION..

oopss...did i get the last fact wrong??? Or am I just being proud of being an INDIAN

----------------------------

ok, now deep breath.

read that last line again. proud to be indian????? PROUD???? WHAT EXACTLY SHOULD WE BE PROUD OF???? that more people died in the usa than in india? oh wow! yippee-hoo! lets just pile up the bodies on a scale. ha! your side is heavier, so you lose. suckers!!!! now will you please step down from your lofty position and let india take over? oh, and lets forget about the poverty and illiteracy and female infanticide.

ok, lets get one thing straight. the us response was pathetic. new orleans was a disaster that could have been prevented, and many people in the government need to be held responsible for this HUGE fiasco.

BUT, the response in bombay wasnt really stellar either. oh, and im pretty sure the number of dead is much more than 37. last i heard it was over 800. so we really shouldnt be compatring our failures with theirs and quibbling about which was a BIGGER failure. thats just the pettiest thing EVER.

and before all you indians reading this start getting all swollen up with pride, just remember the the monumental failures of the past when india has just rolled over during a natural calamity. we're still miles away from having any kind of reliable disaster warning system. and for a country which is so dependant on the weather gods, thats just suicidal.

and finally, for the person who wrote this. i hope youre feeling proud. now you can get back to surfing the net for porn videos or whatever else you do in your spare time, while hundreds of people die in bombay from car accidents, shootouts and other non-natural causes. because we dont really care about that, since we are so great.

what id like to know is who starts these damn forwards anyway???

pahking my cah in the hahvahd yahd

2005-09-08T13:25:00.000-07:00

so, i had my first long weekend off. so i FINALLY did something more than sleep in on sunday.

first i have to admit with great embarassment, that in spite of living in boston for nearly 3 years, i had never ventured north of the charles, and so have never seen all those famous universities housed there. and also i had never met up with D (notice how i have stopped using names for people just in case i become famous and turn this into a book) who is an old friend from school, now living in cambridge. so when D called last week and told me that i would nevernever get a better chance than this to do both, i jumped at it.

i drove in to d's place on saturday evening and after a quick dinner (pasta - she is still a student, after all), i went on a guided tour of cambridge's nightspots, most of which were sadly empty. apparently most of the students had gone home for the weekend, so any hopes i had of watching a preview of the 2040 elections being played out over a round of beer were cruelly dashed. that didn't stop us from taking a long walk down massachussets avenue (or mass ave as i soon learnt to call it), stopping occasionally for a refuelling stop. it was uneventful, except that we were both quite happy and insisted on singing silly hindi songs and kept collapsing in giggles. at harvard square we saw a couple of serious looking cops, so we turned all ladylike again and called a cab (definitely a good idea to not bring the car). once we got in, we went to pieces again, and the driver was very surprised. we found that he was indian too so we insisted that he sing along with us. finally he mouthed one line of 'mere sapnon ki rani' when we just died. i think he was quite terrified of us and was only too glad when he dropped us off. but i gave him a big tip to make up (arent i nice), so i guess he was happy.

on sunday, i was taken around the two big campuses. the contrast was quite stark. harvard is all elegance and positively reeks of history. mit is terribly drab looking compared to it, but if you look closely, its a nerds paradise. i did see anumber of students, all very geeky looking. i guess they are the ones who would stay back during holidays. oh, and soooo many chinese! God, these chinese women and their high grades and incredible hair! so anyway, after a historical morning and afternoon, i took a break for a cup of coffee with the terribly interesting buchu. i had mailed her that i was coming to her part of town and was she busy on the weekend. she said not at all, so it was a bloggers date. i shooed D away saying that this was a strictly-for-bloggers thing. she went off cursing all bloggers under her breath.

so buchu, a.k.a. antara, is even more interesting in real life than she is on her blog, if thats even possible. just talking to her for 5 minutes makes you feel what a complete idiot you are. she also knows everything about everything and has an opinion about all those everythings and more, especially if they're political. on top of that, shes a genuinely nice person and just loves to talk. so we two bongs had a long adda session over chai tea lattes and ginseng tea, about everything from george bush (we both hate him) to the hurricane (too shocking for words) to sania mirza (buchu likes her but i dont. this was actually quite a long argument). and, naturally we discussed blogging and bloggers too. much p.n.p.c. was made and i learnt interesting little titbits about many fellow bloggers including sci-fi authors from caclutta, long-haired poets from bangalore and former techies from san diego. also discussed earth-shattering events like the mysterious descent into porn of a chicago-based funny man, and the silence of the japanese quack and other animals.

finally antara had to run, with promises of more meetings, this time in my part of town. i called D and mollified her by taking her to dinner. there was a pretty famous indian place nearby but i have vowed to never eat indian food at a restaurant in the us, so that was out. instead we had american food, speciality being duck. yum! ducks definitely rule :))

monday was a late morning after two hectic days. we drove around the other places of interest in cambridge. had a whistle-stop tour of radcliffe. was maybe hoping to see an oliver barrett leading his lady love out into the woods, but i was disappointed. after some tea at harvard square, we grabbed a movie (the 40 year old virgin), and then i headed home to my mundane life. snaps will be posted later this week.

but you can call me...

2005-09-02T00:04:00.002-07:00

ooh, this was fun.

Vishnupriya Roy Chowdhury's Aliases

Your movie star name: Peanuts Ashok

Your fashion designer name is Vishnupriya Vienna

Your socialite name is Binno New York

Your fly girl / guy name is V Cho

Your detective name is Dog Carmel

Your barfly name is Bagel Bloody Mary

Your soap opera name is Roy Lloyds

Your rock star name is Snickers Ferrari

Your star wars name is Visboz Chokau

Your punk rock band name is The Upbeat Log Tables

The Amazing Meganame Generator

stalkers?

2005-08-30T14:25:00.000-07:00

got a little mention in an article on women bloggers who get stalked. the writer had asked for some examples of stalk-y emails, so i was digging around in my inbox. the ones i finally sent were quite outrageous, but there were some i didnt send.

sometime last year, this guy O started mailing me. it was the usual "i wanna make frndshp wit u" kind of nonsense, so naturally i ignored it. but this guy was pretty persistent. he'd send one of these mails every week, even though i routed all his mails directly to my trash. then after a couple of months of fruitless mails, i got a message from him through orkut where he said "i've nominated you. take a look." and it was followed by a link.

this piqued my curiosity and i followed the link. it took me to a discussion groupon orkut, where various guys would post pictures of women and then ask other guys for their opinion on their "choices". and its not like the guys even knew these women at all. they just sifted through profiles till they found a pic they liked and posted a link to it on the forum, with some line like "what do you think of THIS one?" and this wasnt a frigne group or anything. it had 10000 members! i couldnt even begin to contemplate that number! (to put it in perspective, the calcutta group, which i'm a member of has just over 1000). and there right at the end of a thread was a post by O, saying "i nominate HER", with a link to my profile.

now i cant even begin to describe the emotions that went through me at that point. first off i was FREAKING FURIOUS!! i mean, i dont even know this guy, and hes posting my pictures in a forum with 10000 other guys all of whom are then expected to VOTE on what they think of me based on one photo! i felt utterly disgusted and violated. and of course, i know how the internet works. once this got out, i had no control over who that pic would land up with or what would be done to it. so i was quivering with rage when i decided to write of a stinker of an email to this jerk, telling him what he could do with his "nomination".

but before i did, i decided to read what other guys had said since then. i dont know what made me. maybe it was some sort of twisted curiosity. whatever it was, i read on. there was a series of back-and-forth posts involving O, this other guy J, and a girl R which im reproducing here.

--------------

J: that has to be the best part about communicating in a forum like this. like you've seen the thread where i joke around with Lori and stuff, in real life i'd be soo shy that i would NEVER talk to a girl as pretty as she is. for some reason (at least for me) the internet gives me the freedom to express my ideas of beauty without really getting shot down or damaged by rejection.

R: J, you are too cute to sell yourself so short.

J: nah i'm not selling myself short, i just know that there are 2 things in this world that scare the heck out of me, God and women. i mean how do you honestly approach someone this pretty (link to my pic)? R if it makes you feel any better i don't think i could talk to you in real life either.

R: Aww!!! J, thank you so much. I'd make you talk to me...:) You are such a sweetie. Thanks again. ;)

J: sorry to say that i don't think you would talk to me, you'd be talking to these guys (link to snapshot of four hot brazilian guys on the beach)

O: My sentiments exactly.
on here its so much easier to just say what u feel.in real life if any of you girls or !Her! (link to my pic) or *HER* (link to my friend P) were infront of me i dont think firstly you girls would look at me. and secondly i doubt id be able to come up with somethin to say. coz i kno once i say it ill prolly go around the back and smack myself in the head for saying somethin that stupid. i dont really do this in real life so..im usually on shaky grounds when it comes to women and approach..they dont go in the same sentence with me.

J: O, dude you put it very well! in real life i'm a complete coward! the last time a pretty girl hit on me i didn't know what to say and was so uncomfortable i said something stupid and the conversation ended and we both went in oppiset directions! i unno, girls just don't dig me and when they do i have NO idea what to do.

O: J, i kno what u mean dude.trust me i do the same thing. actually ive been single for a while now and i have this thing for this particular girl, dunno what people think of her but i find herself quite attractive.. neway i asked her out and to my surprise she agreed with no hassle. anyway on the date man! i picked her up and she was dressed up so well i didnt kno what to say..thru d whole evening she was like..r u ok? y u not sayin anythin..n to dis day i still regret..things kinda went downwards from that day..its coz im not used to that kind of attention from girls i think are attractive..my 2 cents

J: man oh man! yeah the last time that happened to me the girl was like why are you so quiet and so i decided to blurt out the answer, it went as follows "because you're absolutely beautiful and i'm totally not used to being around beautiful people, let alone beautiful women so i feel very awkward which makes it hard for me to speak without me feeling like i'm saying something stupid." yeah needless to say she has since blown me off! so that's why i'm single, i guess i'm just too dang honest with girls and they don't like that!

-------------------

so you know what i did?

well, i didnt send that stinker of an email. i just ignored his mail like id done the others. mainly because i wasnt angry anymore. i just felt really really sorry for O, J and all the other 9998 guys on the forum. its just a photo i thought, keep it, if it makes you feel better. if thats the closest he ever came to talking to a girl, then i really didnt want to be the one to take even that away from him.

and seriously, O, if you came up and talked to me NORMALLY, i would have talked to you. theres a difference between having a normal conversation with a girl and being creepy. dont try and blame girls for blowing you off when you come across all stalker-ish. its not about honesty. its about treating us like normal people, which we are, not some strange adelescent fantasy you cant let go of.

there was an epilogue. O tried the stalker thing on another girl. she wasnt so lenient and blasted him publicly on the forum. two days later he removed his profile and vanished, tail between his legs, yet again. once again i couldnt help but feel sorry for him.

and i took down my pictures. i had learnt my lesson. i prefer to be faceless on the internet. in its place, my pic is a white square. thats a reference to the story of the teacher who showed his students a sheet of paper with a black dot in the center and asked them what it was.

the students all said "its a black dot".

the teacher said "did nobody notice the rest of the white sheet?"

so i am the white sheet. the black dot is what i look like, and thats just a tiny part of me. right now, there is no black dot. on the internet i am not seen, only read.

testing times

2005-08-26T11:16:00.000-07:00

want to blog and dont have anything to say. solution: take many mindless tests. so heres a little window to my mind.

You are dreamy, peaceful, and young at heart.
Optimistic and caring, you tend to see the best in people.
You tend to be always smiling - and making others smile.

You are shy and intelligent... and a very hard worker.
You're also funny, but many people don't see your funny side.
Your subtle dry humor leaves your close friends in stitches.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

so thats my personality. is it true? not telling :)

You Are 10% Weird

You're totally, completely normal.
And that's pretty darn weird!

How Weird Are You?

waaah!! i want to be weirder! no fair!

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Jittery Warrior.

Where You Lived: Boliva.

How You Died: In Childbirth.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

ha! now dont tell me THATs not weird enough. phhht to you. but im not so sure about south america. maybe if i moved to europe.

Your Inner European is French!

Smart and sophisticated.

You have the best of everything - at least, *you* think so.

Who's Your Inner European?

humph! i hate the french. i dont want to be french. but what would my name be if i were french?

Your French Name Is

Noémi Lecomte

What's" Your French Name?

ok too weird. maybe i could be american instead. lets see.

You Passed the US Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you got 8 out of 10 correct!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

yay! passport, here i come.

ok, back to work now.

how far would you go

2005-08-18T11:42:00.000-07:00

if you were faceless and nameless. if the only thing that identified you was a generic handle like koolguy81 or kingjohniii or something similarly vague. maybe your hometown was listed, or your school, but nothing that could pinpoint you among the hundreds of people from the same town or school. in short, if there was no way anyone could pick you out in a crowd.

on the information superhighway, if there was no information about you. or maybe there was, but there was no way of linking it to the person you pretended to be. who would know that jean smith, english professor at some ivy league college, lurked around lesbian chatrooms under the handle nuclearbomb? the internet opens a hundred doors, but it also allows you to hide behind unopenable doors. like little horcruxes, a part of you is stored behind each of those doors, each one doing its own thing, sometimes even beyond your control.

would the power of anonymity change you. would you summon up courage to email the girl you couldnt bear to face in class, now that you know she cant see the braces on our teeth. would you pretend to be someone else, a tall dark and handsome man with straight teeth. would you attempt to make her like you, or at least the you that you pretend to be.

would you say things that you wouldnt dare say in polite company. would you give voice to all your dirty thoughts. would you feel relieved at finding other faceless, nameless people like you and share your perverted fantasies with them. would you shamlessly flirt, would you talk dirty, would you verbalise your nakedness and thrust it in their faces, knowing that the great barrier called the internet would prevent their groping hands from ever reaching you.

would you swear, would you shout. would you vilify those you inwardly hated, would you slander those you were jealous of, would you spread lies through anonymous forwards. would you spam them, would you turn poltergeist in their well ordered lives.

would you find their photographs and morph them, would you hack into their mail accounts and send cruel mails to their loved ones. would you lead them up the garden path with stories of love and romance, before pulling the ground from under their feet and standing back to laugh at their pathetic fate.

how far would you go if you knew you could never be found out?

how far would you go when you knew that there was no chance of your ever being caught?

payback!

2005-08-10T23:47:00.000-07:00

i know im on break, but i just couldnt resist coming back to be present at the "coming-out" of my favourite commenter. now i always believed in poetic justice, i never thought that it would feel so sweet.

of course, i should say that i dont entirely approve of the methods used by our friendly neighbourhood private eye, and sir, whoever you are, you really dont need to match your victims language. it somehow cheapens you.

to register my protest, im not mentioning anyone by name, but i know fully well that you all know who the two people i am talking about are, and have seen the relevant post. and though i shouldnt really, i cant help but breaking into an impromptu jig.

tralalalala.

do unto others as you would have them do unto you. someone needs to read the bible.

sorry

2005-08-03T01:27:00.000-07:00

i really think i need to apologize for the previous post. it was totally out of line, and i really have no excuse for being so irresponsible. ive been under a lot of stress lately and i saw blogging as a stress-buster, but it may have made things worse. so i'm suspending posting for an indefinte period. i dont know when ill be back, but i know i will be. until then.

for the last time

2005-07-29T02:39:00.000-07:00

the picture on my profile page was NOT mine. i do NOT have abs as amazing as the woman there, nor am i an expert bellydancer. in fact i have no idea who she was, its just some pic i found while surfing.

just to make it absolutely clear, i have changed my profile pic. hope the message gets across.

and i WILL post. maybe over the weekend. TOO MUCH WORK AND TOO MANY SPAMMERS!

please forgive the drawing

2005-07-18T00:29:00.000-07:00

i promised i'd put up my mental image of various bloggers. so this is eM, the way i picture her.

okay, i know its terrible and smudgy, but thats the best i could do. thats my impression of a fringe cut, and theres supposed to be piercings on the nose and belly button. also, thats not a black eye. i tried to make them smoky and screwed up. sorry :(

and now for something completely different

2005-07-17T10:50:00.000-07:00

been posting too much serious stuff lately, so here's something humorous for a change. this is something i got as a forward from baba, so some of you must have seen it before, but i thought it was too funny to not post.

--------------

The Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

by Marty Smith, Portland OR

(from Free Agent March 1987 (a Portland Oregon alternative newspaper), Republished in the Utne Reader Nov./Dec. 1993)

We have been lucky to discover several previously lost diaries of French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre stuck in between the cushions of our office sofa. These diaries reveal a young Sartre obsessed not with the void, but with food. Apparently Sartre, before discovering philosophy, had hoped to write "a cookbook that will put to rest all notions of flavor forever." The diaries are excerpted here for your perusal.

October 3

Spoke with Camus today about my cookbook. Though he has never actually eaten, he gave me much encouragement. I rushed home immediately to begin work. How excited I am! I have begun my formula for a Denver omelet.

October 4
Still working on the omelet. There have been stumbling blocks. I keep creating omelets one after another, like soldiers marching into the sea, but each one seems empty, hollow, like stone. I want to create an omelet that expresses the meaninglessness of existence, and instead they taste like cheese. I look at them on the plate, but they do not look back. Tried eating them with the lights off. It did not help. Malraux suggested paprika.

October 6
I have realized that the traditional omelet form (eggs and cheese) is bourgeois. Today I tried making one out of a cigarette, some coffee, and four tiny stones. I fed it to Malraux, who puked. I am encouraged, but my journey is still long.

October 7
Today I agian modified my omelet recipe. While my previous attempts had expressed my own bitterness, they communicated only illness to the eater. In an attempt to reach the bourgeoisie, I taped two fried eggs over my eyes and walked the streets of Paris for an hour. I ran into Camus at the Select. He called me a "pathetic dork" and told me to "go home and wash my face." Angered, I poured a bowl of bouillabaisse into his lap. He became enraged, and, seizing a straw wrapped in paper, tore off one end of the wrapper and blew through the straw. propelleing the wrapper into my eye. "Ow! You dick!" I cried. I leaped up, cursing and holding my eye, and fled.

October 10
I find myself trying ever more radical interpretations of traditional dishes, in an effort to somehow express the void I feel so acutely. Today I tried this recipe:

Tuna Casserole
Ingredients: 1 large casserole dish
Place the casserole dish in a cold oven. Place a chair facing the oven and sit in it forever. Think about how hungry you are. When night falls, do not turn on the light.
While a void is expressed in this recipe, I am struck by its inapplicability to the bourgeois lifestyle. How can the eater recognize that the food denied him is a tuna casserole and not some other dish? I am becoming more and more frustated.

October 12
My eye has become inflamed. I hate Camus.

October 25
I have been forced to abandon the project of producing an entire cookbook. Rather, I now seek a single recipe which will, by itself, embody the plight of man in a world ruled by an unfeeling God, as well as providing the eater with at least one ingredient from each of the four basic food groups. To this end, I purchased six hundred pounds of foodstuffs from the corner grocery and locked myself in the kitchen, refusing to admit anyone. After several weeks of work, I produced a recipe calling for two eggs, half a cup of flour, four tons of beef, and a leek. While this is a start, I am afraid I still have much work ahead.

November 15
I feel that I may be very close to a great breakthrough. I had been creating meal after meal, but none seemed to express the futility of existence any better than would ordering a pizza. I left the house this morning in a most depressed state, and wandered aimlessly through the streets. Suddenly, it was aif the heavens had opened. My brain was electrified with an influx of new ideas. "Juice, toast, milk.." I muttered aloud. I realized with a start that I was one ingredient away from creating the nutritious breakfast. Loathsome, true, but filled with existential authenticity. I rushed home to begin work anew.

November 18
Today I tried yet another variation: Juice, toast, milk and Chee-tos. Again, a dismal failure. I have tried everything. Juice, toast, milk and whiskey, juice, toast, milk and chicken fat, juice, toast, milk and someone else's spit. Nothing helps. I am in agony. Juice, toast, milk, they race about my fevered brain like fire, like an unholy trinity of cruel denial. And the fourth ingredient! What could it be? It eludes me like the lost chord, the Holy Grail. I must see the completion of my task, but I have no more money to spend on food. Perhaps man is not meant to know.

November 21
Camus came into the restaurant today. He did not know I was in the kitchen, and before I sent out his meal I loogied in his soup. Sic semper tyrannis.

November 23
Ran into some opposition at the restaurant. Some of the patrons complained that my breakfast special (a page out of Remembrance of Things Past and a blowtorch with which to set it on fire) did not satisfy their hunger. As if their hunger was of any consequence! "But we're starving," they say. So what? They're going to die eventually anyway. They make me want to puke. I have quit the job. It is stupid for Jean- Paul Sartre to sling hash. I have enough money to continue my work for a little while.

November 24
Last night I had a dream. In it, I am standing, alone, on a beach. A great storm is raging all about me. It begins to rain. Night falls. I am struck by how small and insignificant I am, how the entire race of Man is but a speck in the eye of God, and I am but a speck of humanity. Suddenly, a red Cadillac convertible pulls up beside me, In it are these two beautiful girls named Jojo and Wendy. I get in and the take me to their mansion in Hollywood and give me a pound of cocaine and make mad, passionate love to me for the rest of my life.

November 26
Today I made a Black Forest cake out of five pounds of cherries and a live beaver, challenging the very definition of the word "cake." I was very pleased. Malraux said he admired it greatly, but could not stay for dessert. Still, I feel that this may be my most profound achievement yet, and have resolved to enter it in the Betty Crocker Bake-Off.

November 30
Today was the day of the Bake-Off. Alas, things did not go as I had hoped. During the judging, the beaver became agitated and bit Betty Crocker on the wrist. The beaver's powerful jaws are capable of felling blue spruce in less than ten minutes and proved, needless to say, more than a match for the tender limbs of America's favorite homemaker. I only got third place. Moreover, I am now the subject of a rather nasty lawsuit.

December 1
I have been gaining twenty-five pounds a week for two months, and I am now experiencing light tides. It is stupid to be so fat. My pain and ultimate solitude are still as authentic as they were when I was thin, but seem to impress girls far less. From now on, I will live on cigarettes and black coffee.

--------------------

what real;ly embarassed me was that i had no idea what a denver omelet was (looked it up on google, and apparently its an omelet with bell sauteed bell peppers, ham and cheese. i will make one tonight itself). however, i actually got the Sartre jokes. i have clearly been spending too much time with english grad students (you know who you are).

ps: the argument with apoplexy is far from over. please see his blog for the next installment.

UPDATE: its over! apoplexy has had the last word, and it is this.
"Since you dont get some quite crucial points of the debate as you yourself clearly state,I dont see the point in going on.May be as all westernized women "win", you win.Kudos.I am taking off my post. "

normally i would have said something about winning and losing, but somehow i just dont feel like it.

now there's an idea

2005-07-08T19:20:00.000-07:00

i found this very interesting post from a new blogger. she thinks that women write more interesting blogs than men. i agree, just look at my sidebar :)

actually what was more interesting was how she psychoanalyzed three bloggers after reading what they wrote. i found this quite fascinating. theres something ive thought about very often and thats how the internet allows you to communicate with people anonymously. we already have email, im, chat where you are nameless, faceless and personalityless. you can be anyone you want to be. then there are things like orkut and where you give more information about yourself, but you choose exactly how much to give. if you want, you can post photos and fill in details about your background. or you can just have a name and thats it. finally there are blogs. you are still faceless, but now people actually get a look into your personality. what you write about, what you say and how you say it lets people imagine the kind of person you are. sure, you can make up things about yourself, but its impossible to change your basic underlying nature. so i think a blog is the best window into a persons soul that the internet has been able to provide.

and personally, i have formed mental pictures of all the people whose blogs i read. i have an idea about how they look, what they behave liek and even what they sound like. maybe i am missing the mark completely. i remember when i was in school i thought that jimmy on calcutta fm was this really smokingly hot guy, but then i saw him and i was shattered. people in calcutta should understand what i mean, everyone else i think gets the picture. anyways, i think ill spend a couple of posts on what my mental picture is of the various people whose blogs i visit. hopefully, theyll drop by to tell me if im right or wrong. of course im leaving out people like samit basu, who is a celebrity so everyone knows everything about him, and all the peopl who i know personally. but this should be fun. hey, maybe ill start something.

so next post ill try and describe eM who everyone knows but no one has seen. oh, and please see her post on chatting which is related to what i said, but only sorta. but its all good :)

oh, and after that i must put up my rant against orkut which has been building inside me for a while. on of the many things i must do, must do.

not just another number

2005-07-05T15:53:00.000-07:00

join the club ;)

however...

2005-07-02T09:06:00.000-07:00

if i am going to be in this country for a long time, does it mean i need to start accepting everything about it. i dont think so....

of course, one part of america i need to start accepting soon is american men. as long as i have this unreasonable mindblock against dating non-indians, i can see hundreds of friday nights spent with my friend, the vcr (thank you , blockbuster).

must get over this quickly. repeat to myself "you will die a virgin, you will die a virgin". if that doesn't scare the pesky mindblock away, nothing will.

on the other hand, that information hasn't helped in the past. maybe i dont scare easily.

unpatriotic me?

2005-06-30T00:35:00.000-07:00

having banished my pesky brother back to the midwest, my computer is free and i now have more time to surf. mainly news sites (and blogs, of course)

so i glanced on this in the telegraph. just reading through it made me angry. no, not angry really but exasperated. i just felt like screaming out 'enough already!'. i have seen things like this first hand, but after spending 3 years in the US, and just seeing how things are run here, i am much less tolerant about such behavior than i used to be. i am ashamed to admit now that there was a time when a month of no classes was greeted by happiness and not regret. arnab explains this very well.

and its not just calcutta i am frustrated by. blog-friend hemangini wrote about a traumatic train journey to chennai. reading the comments i see that every woman who grew up in india has her own little story to add on to it, her own little moment of helplessness and disgust, and sometimes even shame, even though she had done nothing to be ashamed of.

again, i think of my life over the last 3 years. of being able to travel in a train without feeling like i need a bath everytime i get off. of policemen who are truly there for your protection, and of men who know exactly where they get off.

and thats not all. theres a girl who gets raped in marine drive, and a college principal who blames everything on 'skimpy' clothes, and a blogger who things all this is somehow good. everytime i read the indian papers i see something that makes me angry at my countrymen. that makes me fill up with a feeling of hopelessness that theres nothing anyone can do. and over time i feel resignation. almost like i am disconnected from that world, and that they can go to hell for all i care.

this really scares me because deep down i feel prooud to be indian. but am i really? in three years i will have spent more of my life in the usa than in india. and i like the usa. i like its safety and comforts. i like living my life at my pace. but most of all i like living in a country that takes care of me. i know its selfish, and i know what jfk said, but i'm sorry. today i feel i owe more to the usa than to india, even though it is my homeland. and its even sadder because when i came here, i genuinely wanted to go back in a few years, because india was home. i dont genuinely want that anymore.

i know most of you will agree. you will say that these are material things. ties to the homeland are stronger than that. i agree, but i value these material things. here i have work, resources, friends, independence, security and comfort. there i have only patriotism. i dont think its enough.

guess what

2005-06-30T00:32:00.000-07:00

someone has learnt to put links into her posts. thanks rohan, you're the bestest.

tag, i'm it.

2005-06-09T03:07:00.000-07:00

yipppeeeee!!! i got tagged. and by two people. thanks gati and mangs. i am feeling dreadfully proud of myself. anyway, i think i should actually go ahead and play the game. here i go!

Total number of books owned: exactly 72. i counted. i am really taking this seriously.

Last book bought: i ordered harry potter and the half-blood prince yesterday. i am dying for it to come out so i can find out who dies this time (i bet its ron). the last book i physically bought was he's just not that into you by greg behrendt. very popular book these days. i picked mine up while waiting at a checkout line, because everyone i know has read it.

Last book read: the same one. it was fun timepass reading, but not memorable. before that i read angels and demons by dan brown. much better, and i liked it more than da vinci code (which i didnt like). right now i'm half way through reading lolita in teheran, which is much heavier. i need to renew it from the library tomorrow.

Five books that mean a lot: nancy drew and the mysterious letter by caroline keene; the lord of the rings - the return of the king by tolkein; the second sex by simone de beauvoir; on lies, secrets and silence by adrienne rich; harry potter and the prisoner of azqaban by rowling.

these are the first, the favourite, the one that most changed my views, the one that touched me the most, and the one i had the most fun reading. thats my list of five.

now i have to tag some people. i dont know who are left, so i am tagging moongphalli, table mannered and thalassa mikra. also i think i will tag white templar and satchisgod, so guys, you're it now.

whats up

2005-05-25T06:33:00.000-07:00

hmmmm. so lets start off by mentioning that it was my birthday three weeks ago, which is 7th may for those who are wondering. and before you ask which year, i will tell you that its every year. heee heee ;)

so i was wondering about my birthday last year and this year. the difference was pretty huge. last year there was a huge party, with lots of cake (eaten and thrown). this year was very sedate. got the usual phone calls, but spent the evening by myself at my favorite restaurant
(legal sea foods, if you must know), and then just went for a long walk.

the other thing was that last year i got some 50 e-mails wishing me happy b'day. most of it was thanks to this thing called orkut, which i was very in to in those days (ok im sorry, i'll never do it again). actually i thought it was pretty cool (embarrased blush) because it has all these communities where you can go and meet up with people and discuss stuff. there was this india community which i used to post stuff on, but after a point the loonies took over the asylum and it became pretty crappy. also i knew very few people on it, but got added by like 100 guys. at first i was flattered, but then i figured it was just a bunch of losers trying to hit on anything with a female name. ok, i sound bitter, but then i expect better of people. anyway, so this orkut thing flashes you a message when someones b'day is apporaching and then you can go and post a message on this thing called a scrapbook. so i got many such wishes, and was a teensy weensy bit pleased at it all, but then other stuff happened. but i'll rant about orkut in a later post. theres just too much to say about the shitty thing.

so this year i got some twelve mails and three phone calls. one of which i didn't take. more on that later. so my b'day passed unnoticed just like those of so many others.

to tell the truth, my feelings were mixed. this is definitely the most alone ive been on a birthday, even though i'm solitary by nature. something seemed... not right. im not saying it was abad thing, but it just seemed strange that there wasnt more excitement. on the other hand, though last years party was a blast, i really cant do that stuff too much. i couldnt do it earlier, and now its just impossible. i can get into the swing of things once things pick up (see my previous posts), but my first instinct is always to shy away from large gatherings. so this was more enjoyable, though im not sure thats the right word.

and of course i was relieved that my carpet didnt have gooey icing smeared all over it. especially since ive moved into this place only a month ago. and that i didnt have to spend a week washing coke out of my hair. those kids can be sooooo boisterous. and i felt even older watching them. like some den mother overseeing a picnic. i even scolded the spiky twins in a very headmistress kind of way. but that didnt stop one of them (i think it was the brownhaired one, i can never tell) from coming on to me big time, which was so funny i actually laughed at him. poor chap. maybe i was bringing back memories of the first grade teacher he had a crush on. actually... i think it was the top i was wearing which no first grade teacher would touch. but then thats what it always is with guys, hmppph.

well one thing that i seem to have realised through all of this (and otherwise) is that guys are just shallow. shallow, shallow, shallow.

there i go generalising again. but who cares, this is my belated birthday present to myself. the right to be a judgemntal bitch for a day. so there.

update

2005-05-17T16:32:00.000-07:00

whats been happening in my life. a lot actually. i had a birthday, i changed visa status, i moved and i put blogging on hold. now i have a new job, new house, new life, new motivation, new hours and new computer. still living in the same city with the same friends and the same habits and hobbies. the blog is the same, but the subtitle is different. the tone is the same but posts will be more regular.

the more things change, you know the rest.

crabby

2005-04-17T21:51:00.000-07:00

dined alone at mccormick and schicks tonight. ive been doing that a lot lately. dining alone that is, not going to m&s. i finally realised that i dont know anybody who shares my passion for eating out, so rather than battle with microwaved daal, i should just go out on my own.

id been to this restaurant a couple of times before. its a seafood place, and i adore seafood. i guess you cant keep a bong away from maach for too long, :). its a bit expensive but not outrageous.

while i was digging into my platter of shrimp, scallop and oyster, i remembered a time many years ago when a friend told me that to cook crabs you have to chop their legs off and then boil them alive. my gentle heart revolted and i declared that i would never eat seafood again. after a while that extended to all kinds of meat. i even remember joining some girls from school in PFA rally, and even attending a couple of maneka gandhis talks. my grandmother was apalled. 'maach khabe na mane?'. but i didnt budge. then that phase passed too, like all phases in my life. one by one, all gods animals reappeared on my plate.

today as i used my spoon to scoop out meat from an oyster shell, i thought that the oyster must have died painfully, but i didnt flinch. after so many years, the idea of a painful death isnt as terrifying as it must be to a 15-year old schoolgirl.

instead i thought of my friend. he read a lot and was always telling me wondrous stories. none of us could ever prove him wrong and he knew it. so he would gleefully add his own embellishments to everything he said. i remember when i was 10 he told me that babies were made when a boy does 'su-su' inside a girl. i was disgusted and called him a liar. he wasn't too far from the truth though. i havent seen him in 9 years now. i hope he put his immense stock of knowledge to good use somewhere. i also hope his ideas on how babies are made were corrected by some kind soul.

i just googled and discovered that crabs ARE cooked by being boiled alive. what a smart little boy!

movie review 2

2005-04-15T00:16:00.000-07:00

ok, im doing this in reverse. i actually went and saw fever pitch the day before sin city, but im posting it after. thats probly cos the second movie inspired such strong feelings in me that i just HAD to talk about it first. but now im going to talk about fever pitch which i actually liked, only its a week old so bear with me.

this one i went with julia, mark, rohini and suresh. so two couples and me. i think they feel sorry for me which is why they take me everywhere. anyway, so this movie is about this guy who is a huge sox fan, and his girlfriend who isnt such a big fan. you might think it was appropriate and all what with us living in boston and going with two guys who were huge sports fans, but youd be wrong. mark thinks baseball sucks totally. hes completely into soccer and in fact its julia who is the sox fan, but not as crazy as some of the people in the movie. and as for suresh he only knows cricket and so he insisted on making loud jokes about americans during the movie. i think he can be quite a pain sometimes, but if you ignore him long enough he shuts up. but more on that later.

so the movie went off pretty well. i liked the idea and i can relate to it. not taking any names, but some guys get so completely obsessed with some sport that everything else takes a backseat in their lives. and jimmy fallons tantrum when he misses a match because his girlfriend takes him to her friends bday party totally hit the target. the only thing i didnt like was that they tried to make his character to be a likable guy, but i though he was always trying waaaay too hard to be funny so ended up like an irritating clown. and the whole deal in the movie is how this nice guy becomes liek a total tool when it comes to baseball, so it fell flat cos i thought he was painful anyway. but then diff strokes for diff folks, so if his girlfriend liked him then i guess the point was made.

theres not much else to say about that except a question to all the sox fans. after all the tamasha of last year you've finally won the damn world series, so now what are you going to whine about. being popular losers is fun and all but can you handle being winners. i am quite proud of myself for coming up with that :)

movie review 1

2005-04-13T00:25:00.000-07:00

i watched sin city. actually i was dragged to watch it, kicking and screaming. the perp was my favorite geek, rohan, who is on his way to becoming ex-favourite if he carries on this way. and i will admit that i didn't resist too much because the trailors were really really cool, and i was just a leeetle bit intrigued, even though i realised just by looking at them that it was going to be one more of those pointless big-budget extravanganzas, or is it extravaganzae, that just spends money for the sake of it, but im getting ahead of myself.

anyway so rohan is this HUGE geek. he looks like one, talks like one, is always loaded with all kinds of gadgets that i have no idea about, has a tan from ultraviolet radiation from his monitor, and reads comic books. and not the superman, batman, kiddie stuff. he claims those are for children and wannabes, though i do see him checking them out in the bookstore. personally i think he fantasises about chicks with huge boobs in skintight costumes fighting crime. i think i will stop here just in case he ever reads my blog.

so rohan says that sin city is like this all-time classic graphic novel, and dont you dare call it a comic in front of him, and now theyve made it into a movie. finally sourav told me that his gang of brainy friends, who are NOT geeks, went and saw it and liked it, so i thought how bad could it be and went.

BIG BIG mistake! the hall was full of pimply teenage kids, and grown men who behaved like kids, and im quite sure none of them have ever got laid. i NEVER see any WOMEN at these comic book movie thingys, and so was being stared at like some alien creature. im quite sure some of those creeps were picturing me in spandex, YUCK!

then the movie began. it started with josh hartnett killing some hot babe in a red dress. then josh vanished from the screen and the buros appeared. one by one i saw really old men with scantily clad teenage girls swooning all over them. what was this, a fantast for sixty-year old paedophiles? i don't think a single woman in the movie was above twenty. and they were all either whores or exotic dancers or something suitably slutty. the only character with a real job was this parole officer who walked aroudn topless throughout. NO WONDER no chicks were watching. my feminist blood was boiling anyway, and i was all set to strangle rohan and then clive owen came on. now HE is HOT. ok, so hes a bit old, but compared to bruce willis, hes a teenager. so i was happy again, but only briefly. because clive slaps this whore right across her face, and they had been building her up as some kid of badass, so i though now hes gonna get it. but NO. instead she grabs him and nearly sucks his tonsils out like some animal. smack my bitch up? hell yeah.

and how could i forget the gore. a guy gets eaten ALIVE by a wolf. GROSS! and there are at least 5 castrations, one by HAND. i think this is a movie that only a GUY can enjoy, and i didnt mean that as a compliment. the whole fantasy involving underage chicks, and the violence would appeal only to those morons, and im quite sure the onsession with castration is some penis envy thing.

i left quite shaken. i resolved never to read a comic book again. and screw "graphic novel", thats a load of bullcrap. and i will avoid comic book stores because god only knows what kind of psycho freaks hang out there. and this is supposed to be the "classic" comic. i can only imagine what the others must be like. SHUDDER.

what was worst about all this was the look on rohans face. it was some kind of gleeful childish pleasure. it rattled me quite a bit. i think i am never going out for a movie with him, unless it stars jude law.

stuff i did

2005-04-09T11:29:00.000-07:00

now that i have all the time in the world to myself, i though i should start blogging more seriously. of course i have had time for ages now but im lazy so what to do? after the semisuicidal previous post, i will now post reviews of two movies i saw in the last two days.

Sleep

2005-04-01T00:19:00.000-08:00

i need it. had very bad last 3 months. never been so tired. aaaaaaaahhhh.

should rest more i know. oh death where is thy sting.

NO very bad. getting maniacally depressed. stop it now silly girl.

now im talking to myself. ive really lost it.

whatever.

image consciousness

2005-01-11T15:16:00.000-08:00

ok my last post has caused a minor stir. some of my friends are appaled that i would write such 'racy' stuff. one of them (you know who you are) unkindly said that im trying to be a bimbo and getting rid of any intellectual pretensions that i may have had.

ok so no more raunchy posts for a while. at least until i get my spotless reputation back. then i can go about destroying it again.

whats new in my life is that i am beginning to get exasparated at all the redsox fans who cant stop crowing about the world series. ok i got it. you guys won. im happy for you. i even bought a pennant. now will you stop it.

just to make my point i will now cheer for the chicago cubs. theyre the only team that are even bigger losers than the redsox. so there.

super slutty me !!!

2005-01-02T21:27:00.000-08:00

ok. im back after a week of debauchery. i have completely ruined my reputation among my friends. it was fun tho :)

did something uncharacteristically wild on new years eve. went to rain for their nye bash with the usual gang. really beginning to enjoy myself esp after 3 cocktails. then we started draggin these guys to the dance floor. so far it was going well. then im not sure what happened but i started making out with this guy. i have no idea why. i dont think i really wanted to but i just got into the moment then. this was really not something i do. i mean i dont even know his name!!! i stopped when rohini pulled me away. she was soooo shcoked! i dont think shell ever talk to me again. hee hee hee.

i really hope none of my classmates saw my activities. especially f who is such a creep anyway. the guy himself was pretty nice. i mean he didnt try to grope me or anything even though i was all over him. oh god im beginning to sound like such a slut.

well i shouldnt be so sorry. it was fun in a way. though i dont think ill try it again. i know that rohini will dtop aassociating with me if i try anything like it. julia was pretty cool but i think even she was surprised.

ok that was the confession for the day. now i feel better.

do i complain too much

2004-12-21T02:28:00.000-08:00

somebody in orkut saw my blog and thinks i whine a bit too much. i think hes right really.

so from now on no more complaining. i shall recount the good things that happened to me this week.

i went and saw a movie that i loved. swades. it managed to be moving and not preachy. and shah rukh was soooo much better than usual.

other good stuff. bought myself dvds of sex and the city. like all women in this city i spend waaaay too much time wondering which of the women i resemble most. people say charlotte but im going with miranda.

oh and i had a fun party at rohinis place. that girl can make an amazing goulash. which is weird bcos she cant spell it. ooooh. that was uncalled for.

so all in all my life is going GREAT.

responsibility

2004-12-16T18:28:00.000-08:00

that is the missing ingredient. today shall see a new responsible me step out into the big bad world. what do i mean by that. lets see.

for starters i will actually read my bank statements. pinpoint expenses that canbe curtailed and those that are absolutely necessary. aside: is a cell phone a necessity or an unnecessary expense.

secondly i will not get carried away by friends who have all the time in the world. i have work to do and will learn to say NO.

thirdly i will develop a serious countenance. all queries will be answered with a deep "hmmm". this will make people take me seriously.

bad news first

2004-12-15T16:49:00.000-08:00

heard that eX is coming to boston. am shattered. fantastic job with bcg. could it get any worse...

he even wrote me an e-mail after 2 years of silence. well he was quite nice really. didnt gloat or anything. but he can afford to be smug. now he is mr bigshot mba and im the stupid bitch who dumped him. well not dumped exactly but whatever. if any of my friends points out to me how cool hes become i will personally throttle them.

sigh...

why do i do this to myself. i should be wishing him well. i mean i did like him once. a lot. a great deal. way too much for my own good. oh never mind.

now he gets to be the bigger person. he has a real job. im as clueless as ever. and im SINGLE. i dont think hell ever let me live that down.

what the hell.

i dont need a guy. im FINE. so what if im single. IM LOVING IT... make big smile like ronald.

i wish i believed the crap i write.

i hate winters.

Hello world

2004-12-02T22:27:00.000-08:00