stalkers?

got a little mention in an article on women bloggers who get stalked. the writer had asked for some examples of stalk-y emails, so i was digging around in my inbox. the ones i finally sent were quite outrageous, but there were some i didnt send.

sometime last year, this guy O started mailing me. it was the usual "i wanna make frndshp wit u" kind of nonsense, so naturally i ignored it. but this guy was pretty persistent. he'd send one of these mails every week, even though i routed all his mails directly to my trash. then after a couple of months of fruitless mails, i got a message from him through orkut where he said "i've nominated you. take a look." and it was followed by a link.

this piqued my curiosity and i followed the link. it took me to a discussion groupon orkut, where various guys would post pictures of women and then ask other guys for their opinion on their "choices". and its not like the guys even knew these women at all. they just sifted through profiles till they found a pic they liked and posted a link to it on the forum, with some line like "what do you think of THIS one?" and this wasnt a frigne group or anything. it had 10000 members! i couldnt even begin to contemplate that number! (to put it in perspective, the calcutta group, which i'm a member of has just over 1000). and there right at the end of a thread was a post by O, saying "i nominate HER", with a link to my profile.

now i cant even begin to describe the emotions that went through me at that point. first off i was FREAKING FURIOUS!! i mean, i dont even know this guy, and hes posting my pictures in a forum with 10000 other guys all of whom are then expected to VOTE on what they think of me based on one photo! i felt utterly disgusted and violated. and of course, i know how the internet works. once this got out, i had no control over who that pic would land up with or what would be done to it. so i was quivering with rage when i decided to write of a stinker of an email to this jerk, telling him what he could do with his "nomination".

but before i did, i decided to read what other guys had said since then. i dont know what made me. maybe it was some sort of twisted curiosity. whatever it was, i read on. there was a series of back-and-forth posts involving O, this other guy J, and a girl R which im reproducing here.

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J: that has to be the best part about communicating in a forum like this. like you've seen the thread where i joke around with Lori and stuff, in real life i'd be soo shy that i would NEVER talk to a girl as pretty as she is. for some reason (at least for me) the internet gives me the freedom to express my ideas of beauty without really getting shot down or damaged by rejection.

R: J, you are too cute to sell yourself so short.

J: nah i'm not selling myself short, i just know that there are 2 things in this world that scare the heck out of me, God and women. i mean how do you honestly approach someone this pretty (link to my pic)? R if it makes you feel any better i don't think i could talk to you in real life either.

R: Aww!!! J, thank you so much. I'd make you talk to me...:) You are such a sweetie. Thanks again. ;)

J: sorry to say that i don't think you would talk to me, you'd be talking to these guys (link to snapshot of four hot brazilian guys on the beach)

O: My sentiments exactly.
on here its so much easier to just say what u feel.in real life if any of you girls or !Her! (link to my pic) or *HER* (link to my friend P) were infront of me i dont think firstly you girls would look at me. and secondly i doubt id be able to come up with somethin to say. coz i kno once i say it ill prolly go around the back and smack myself in the head for saying somethin that stupid. i dont really do this in real life so..im usually on shaky grounds when it comes to women and approach..they dont go in the same sentence with me.

J: O, dude you put it very well! in real life i'm a complete coward! the last time a pretty girl hit on me i didn't know what to say and was so uncomfortable i said something stupid and the conversation ended and we both went in oppiset directions! i unno, girls just don't dig me and when they do i have NO idea what to do.

O: J, i kno what u mean dude.trust me i do the same thing. actually ive been single for a while now and i have this thing for this particular girl, dunno what people think of her but i find herself quite attractive.. neway i asked her out and to my surprise she agreed with no hassle. anyway on the date man! i picked her up and she was dressed up so well i didnt kno what to say..thru d whole evening she was like..r u ok? y u not sayin anythin..n to dis day i still regret..things kinda went downwards from that day..its coz im not used to that kind of attention from girls i think are attractive..my 2 cents

J: man oh man! yeah the last time that happened to me the girl was like why are you so quiet and so i decided to blurt out the answer, it went as follows "because you're absolutely beautiful and i'm totally not used to being around beautiful people, let alone beautiful women so i feel very awkward which makes it hard for me to speak without me feeling like i'm saying something stupid." yeah needless to say she has since blown me off! so that's why i'm single, i guess i'm just too dang honest with girls and they don't like that!

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so you know what i did?

well, i didnt send that stinker of an email. i just ignored his mail like id done the others. mainly because i wasnt angry anymore. i just felt really really sorry for O, J and all the other 9998 guys on the forum. its just a photo i thought, keep it, if it makes you feel better. if thats the closest he ever came to talking to a girl, then i really didnt want to be the one to take even that away from him.

and seriously, O, if you came up and talked to me NORMALLY, i would have talked to you. theres a difference between having a normal conversation with a girl and being creepy. dont try and blame girls for blowing you off when you come across all stalker-ish. its not about honesty. its about treating us like normal people, which we are, not some strange adelescent fantasy you cant let go of.

there was an epilogue. O tried the stalker thing on another girl. she wasnt so lenient and blasted him publicly on the forum. two days later he removed his profile and vanished, tail between his legs, yet again. once again i couldnt help but feel sorry for him.

and i took down my pictures. i had learnt my lesson. i prefer to be faceless on the internet. in its place, my pic is a white square. thats a reference to the story of the teacher who showed his students a sheet of paper with a black dot in the center and asked them what it was.

the students all said "its a black dot".

the teacher said "did nobody notice the rest of the white sheet?"

so i am the white sheet. the black dot is what i look like, and thats just a tiny part of me. right now, there is no black dot. on the internet i am not seen, only read.