Poison Pen

don't worry, she doesn't bite anymore.

Saturday, July 02, 2005


if i am going to be in this country for a long time, does it mean i need to start accepting everything about it. i dont think so....

of course, one part of america i need to start accepting soon is american men. as long as i have this unreasonable mindblock against dating non-indians, i can see hundreds of friday nights spent with my friend, the vcr (thank you , blockbuster).

must get over this quickly. repeat to myself "you will die a virgin, you will die a virgin". if that doesn't scare the pesky mindblock away, nothing will.

on the other hand, that information hasn't helped in the past. maybe i dont scare easily.


  • At 2:08 AM, Blogger the still dancer said…

    Quite a bishakta situation I suppose. Had dropped in here earlier, but this is the first time I'm commenting. Trust me, friday nights with the VCR, or the DVD can at times be more interesting than...
    Oh, this relates to a different post on your blog. I was also born variously on May 6th, 7th or 5th, depending on which day of the English month teishe boishakh falls on.
    Do drop in to my little parlour some time.

  • At 6:29 PM, Anonymous KB said…

    Hey,there are plenty of great Indian guys around,ok at least one *points to himself*.
    You in Beantown?
    I will be at the Charles tomorrow to see the fireworks.We may just run into each other.


  • At 10:25 PM, Blogger thalassa_mikra said…

    I know of the mental block you speak of, because I carried it around for the first two years that I was in this country, and ended up with a bunch of not-so-happy dates merely on the basis that they were Indians.

    Once I managed to overcome the mental block (of not finding much in common with a non-Indian date as well as about lust for lust's sake), I was able to see what really attracted me to someone. And I realized that beyond the trivial issues about what TV shows we watched growing up, there are many essentials that really bind us to those we would eventually love. At that point, nationality ceases to matter. Indian, non-Indian all should be welcome!

  • At 2:36 PM, Blogger Kafka on the Shore said…

    I usually find it easier to relate to people (and girls) from India but I've been pleasantly surprised the past two years. One always finds things to connect with.

  • At 10:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hmm... bishakta beware... depends on what types of personality you are... how weird you are... how complicatedly strong you are... if you are one, and you would know if you are, then it doesn't work out... American gfs/bfs sound fun... they are... but, beyond that, i don't know... we in our group have that actually as one of our rules of engagement - don't go out with Americans, right in the mix with things like don't go out with friends of exes either... and some others...
    well, just a thought to ponder... not advice...

    btw, there aren't too many Indian girls either :D

  • At 3:13 PM, Blogger thalassa_mikra said…


    Without making any judgments whatsoever, I'm really curious as to why your friends would have such a rule?

    And what exactly make Americans such undesirable mates? And how is it any different from going out with an Indian man/woman with similar values and aspirations?

  • At 11:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Heartaches. Enough of them to warranty a rule. Isn't one of them good enough.

    Well, like I said, this is people I know. My friends. And it is not just a rule. Rules are broken. If I have a friend who's falling for an American, I would fly over to NY and beat him out of it. Oh, btw, these are friends who totally fall for someone.

    Not those who just date and have fun. If the idea is to be around someone, have sex, then throw this out of the window. Sex is good. Anything elusive is.

    Well, I gave my comment to balance thalassa's. Nothing more. Of course, there are exceptions. Just that, people I know, the probability is too low, enough to qualify that as foolishness.

    Well, and then there's more to it than TV serials. I am a Bong from Ahmedabad. Calcutta is no more than a vacation to me. I like waking up to breakfasts too. I like crepes. But, I love them with aloor chokka.

    Like I said. Just think it through. It's what you want. I am just offering a counterpoint to a point. That's all. Peace :-)

  • At 10:23 AM, Blogger thalassa_mikra said…

    Apologies to Vish for hijacking her comments page, but here are my thoughts on what Pidus said.

    Heartaches are but the unavoidable risks of baring yourself emotionally. That's true in the context of any kind of relationship, inter-national or not.

    I'm puzzled by the whole "date and have fun" bit. So it's ok to date Americans if you want a strictly sexual relationship with them? But when you want a long term relationship, you go back to familiar turf, language, region, nationality, etc.? How does this logic not apply (in your case, that is) to someone who is not Bong, did not grow up in Ahmedabad, and for whom Calcutta is more than a vacation?

    I'm always amused by the arguments of fellow Indians that it is essential to overcome barriers of regional and linguistic identities in dating another Indian but the same effort should not be made in dating someone with a different passport.

    Anyway, as a counterpoint to your "enough heartaches", let me say that one of the happiest marriages I've ever seen has been between a Bengali man and an American woman. Thirty years and still going strong. I think the secret is immense respect and not forcing each other to adapt to what they dislike in the other's culture.

  • At 8:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It is not okay to have fun with Americans, in general. It is okay in MY group. It is just 5 or 6 odd. But, things basically didn't work, and reasons were quite silly, imo.

    My point is think it through. Anyway, you have lots of opportunity to know people before you do something about it. We have had lots of opportunity too but it doesn't work for us. We have great non-Indian friends. But... this is not really something to discuss or debate... you should know. It's what you want.

    Yes, the secret is not forcing each other to adapt. Just be yourself. Nothing really works if you try to be something else. You have to be comfortable being yourself. You see, that is why it doesn't work for me. Little things Indian are important to me. Until I get over that... well... sorry.

    Okay, "fellow Indians" doesn't sound too good. Didn't mean this to get nasty. Sorry. But I will need more space than comments :-) And, in the end, you will only know why it didn't work for me. Not everyone.

    I agree with thalassa's last sentence.

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