Poison Pen

don't worry, she doesn't bite anymore.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

movie review 1

i watched sin city. actually i was dragged to watch it, kicking and screaming. the perp was my favorite geek, rohan, who is on his way to becoming ex-favourite if he carries on this way. and i will admit that i didn't resist too much because the trailors were really really cool, and i was just a leeetle bit intrigued, even though i realised just by looking at them that it was going to be one more of those pointless big-budget extravanganzas, or is it extravaganzae, that just spends money for the sake of it, but im getting ahead of myself.

anyway so rohan is this HUGE geek. he looks like one, talks like one, is always loaded with all kinds of gadgets that i have no idea about, has a tan from ultraviolet radiation from his monitor, and reads comic books. and not the superman, batman, kiddie stuff. he claims those are for children and wannabes, though i do see him checking them out in the bookstore. personally i think he fantasises about chicks with huge boobs in skintight costumes fighting crime. i think i will stop here just in case he ever reads my blog.

so rohan says that sin city is like this all-time classic graphic novel, and dont you dare call it a comic in front of him, and now theyve made it into a movie. finally sourav told me that his gang of brainy friends, who are NOT geeks, went and saw it and liked it, so i thought how bad could it be and went.

BIG BIG mistake! the hall was full of pimply teenage kids, and grown men who behaved like kids, and im quite sure none of them have ever got laid. i NEVER see any WOMEN at these comic book movie thingys, and so was being stared at like some alien creature. im quite sure some of those creeps were picturing me in spandex, YUCK!

then the movie began. it started with josh hartnett killing some hot babe in a red dress. then josh vanished from the screen and the buros appeared. one by one i saw really old men with scantily clad teenage girls swooning all over them. what was this, a fantast for sixty-year old paedophiles? i don't think a single woman in the movie was above twenty. and they were all either whores or exotic dancers or something suitably slutty. the only character with a real job was this parole officer who walked aroudn topless throughout. NO WONDER no chicks were watching. my feminist blood was boiling anyway, and i was all set to strangle rohan and then clive owen came on. now HE is HOT. ok, so hes a bit old, but compared to bruce willis, hes a teenager. so i was happy again, but only briefly. because clive slaps this whore right across her face, and they had been building her up as some kid of badass, so i though now hes gonna get it. but NO. instead she grabs him and nearly sucks his tonsils out like some animal. smack my bitch up? hell yeah.

and how could i forget the gore. a guy gets eaten ALIVE by a wolf. GROSS! and there are at least 5 castrations, one by HAND. i think this is a movie that only a GUY can enjoy, and i didnt mean that as a compliment. the whole fantasy involving underage chicks, and the violence would appeal only to those morons, and im quite sure the onsession with castration is some penis envy thing.

i left quite shaken. i resolved never to read a comic book again. and screw "graphic novel", thats a load of bullcrap. and i will avoid comic book stores because god only knows what kind of psycho freaks hang out there. and this is supposed to be the "classic" comic. i can only imagine what the others must be like. SHUDDER.

what was worst about all this was the look on rohans face. it was some kind of gleeful childish pleasure. it rattled me quite a bit. i think i am never going out for a movie with him, unless it stars jude law.

4 Comments:

  • At 9:43 PM, Blogger white templar said…

    Kinda liked it. The whole bnw color filter thing they had going. And then there was Micky Rourke as the ugly overthehill hoodlum on a rampage. Thats one under-rated actor.
    Wide eyed Del Toro had perfect 'comic' timing, even with a Mauser barrel stickin outta his forehead.
    Willis sleepwalked thru the movie, but so what. It was unlike any other gangster flick, peadophiles notwithstanding.
    Definitely 'worth a damn'

     
  • At 5:57 PM, Blogger J. Alfred Prufrock said…

    Go easy on Bruce Willis, you Ingenuous Infant. He is the only star I could ever hope to look like (yes, it's in the hair!)

    Sin City sounds terrible. I shall see it just to second your opinion. And of course that parole officer has nothing to do with it.

    J.A.P.

     
  • At 2:48 PM, Blogger Urmea said…

    Your friend Rohan sounds a lot like this friend of mine called Ani. You must check his blog sometime...

     
  • At 8:57 AM, Blogger satchisgod said…

    Seen 'Requiem for a Dream'? - definitive gore. And my erstwhile roomie used to have a huge fetish for those Jap. 'Manga' animes. Hardly Disney stuff, I daresay.

     

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