someones always watching

mint chutney said this about my previous post in which i mentioned how i cant blog like no ones watching.

Amen. I too have had this conversation several times. I keep saying we should all get together and start an anonymous blog and wrote what's really on our minds.

if anyone has been reading my blog since it started (i know of exactly two, so thank you loyal readers :)), you will notice that it has evolved. when it started, there would be random posts without any particular purpose. truth is, i had no idea what kind of a blogger i would be. some bloggers are funny, some are analytical, some are deeply personal, others are rambling, and still others are beautifully literary. what kind of a blogger would i be, i wondered when i started.

i wrote a couple of random posts, but they made little sense even to me. then i tried to be movie critic briefly, but it didnt take me long to realise i was trying too hard. i thought of writing some gossippy posts, but my life isnt really that interesting. hardly enough scandal there to make up one post, let alone an entire blog.

but the most productive period came when i began to express some opinions that not everyone agreed with. i blogged with zeal there. i fought to justify things i believed in. however, that ended with some very hurtful and personal attacks. during that period, i crossed a line of decency that i had set out for myself.

there was no one to fight anymore, but my opinions were drawing unwanted interest. unlike many others who choose to blog anonymously, personal details about me are easily available to an enterprising soul. some people found my blog and just let it be known that they were here too. i would rather not have had anything to do with these people, but i cant wish them away. the blog allows them an entry into my life they do not have otherwise. i can ignore their calls, and refuse to reply to emails, but there will always be a lag before i can delete an oversmart comment. enough time for them to make a nuisance of themselves.

well, since i know you read my blog, heres a message to you. i have nothing to say to you anymore, nor am i compelled to listen to you. my opinion of you cannot sink any lower, so dont even try. i dont even know what you ever hoped to accomplish, but if you wanted to force me to respond to you, its not going to happen.

oh, and theres this wonderful thing called comment moderation, which is why i am in love with blogger again. so basically, baby, youre screwed.

now go throw yourself off a cliff or something.