Poison Pen

don't worry, she doesn't bite anymore.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

yet another tag

ooooh, another tag. now im really starting to feel like a clothing store :). anyway, this is a tag by tablemannered and its about the ideal lover. so heres what i have to do.

The rules of the tag being (simply copy-pasting from her blog):
1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover.
2. You have to mention the sex of the target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on their comments saying they've been tagged.
4. If tagged the 2nd time, there's no need to post again.


so, the first thing that came to mind when i started composing this post was, whether my checklist would have been different had i received this tag in november. for those who dont know, i have recently started seeing someone, and so i wonder whether i can be perfectly unbiased in this exercise.

anyway, here's my list of 8 criteria. whether A satisfies any or all of them is something im not revealing. im treating this totally as a thought experiment. so here i go.

oh, first off, i have to mention that the target's male (no, reeeeeally???)

and now, the 8 qualities.

1. must be a connoisseur of food.

this is clearly the most important criterion. any man who thinks that the sole purpose of eating is to stay alive, is immediately struck off my list. he needs to know the difference between pesto and pasta, needs to have broad enough tastes to enjoy both well-cooked shorshey ilish and sashimi, and needs to be adventurous enough to constantly want to experiment with food. he shouldn't turn his nose up at the thought of eating anything. if a place has baked eel as its specialty, then he must not make a face when i order it. in fact, since he's ideal, he should order one himself, and then be able to comment on the preparation.

oh, there's more. but i think i'll make that a new point.

2. should enjoy cooking.

its a kind of an overlap, but just to be clear, i dont really want someone who likes to eat out every single day. i love to just sit at home, and i dont want to have to eat ramen whenever i decide im not going out. i also enjoy cooking, so i could cook for myself, but he needs to share here. and he shouldnt only be able to scramble eggs. if need be, he should be able to make a full meal (and it needs to be edible) on his own. and it would be still better if he's the kind who likes to always help out in the kitchen. nothing says team player better.

3. should understand the concept of private time.

this is kind of important. ever so often, i feel like i want to be alone. its not like i go into a sulk or anything. its just that i need to be by myself. at times like that i need him to understand and just carry on with his life. also, its not like i do this often, so he really shouldnt complain.

4. should have good personal hygiene.

now when it comes to the looks department, im not incredibly picky. im not particularly sold on the metrosexual man concept either, so it doesnt bother me if his hair isn't gelled perfectly into place all the time, or if his shoes dont match his shirt. BUT it is absolutely essential for him to be neat and clean. i have no fascination for unwashed cavemen. if you cant take a bath every day, thats not sexy, thats just yucky. teeth must be brushed, beards trimmed and hair cut to a manageable length. if you cant manage that, then youre just a slob. and i dont do slobs.

5. must be a non-smoker.

now this is not a judgmental thing. even though i dont smoke, im pretty tolerant of people who do. i have many friends who light up whenever they get a chance, and ive got used to the smell of burnt tobacco thanks to my dad. but on the other hand, i dont have to kiss my friends. and theres nothing i find more disgusting than a mouth full of smoky aftertaste. brushing does not help, neither do mints. im sorry, but im just sensitive. its between me and the cancer sticks. pick one.

6. should be taller than me.

ok, this sounds a little shallow, i admit. and i guess its something that i could quite easily learn to live without if the other criteria were met. but since we're talking about ideals, i'll say it. i get self conscious when im in public with shorter guys. i keep feeling the need to slouch, and something as simple as putting an arm around him while walking becomes awkward. so yes, he needs to be taller than 5'8" (which is my height, in case you missed it).

7. must respect women.

and yeah, this is very very general, but i mean it. and im going to be very strict on this one. so that means no calling other girls sluts in my presence, no leering, not even at the women on baywatch. and even when in the presence of other guys, he is not allowed to discuss women like they were pieces of meat. if he does, i will be rude. to him and everyone else. ive been told im not a good sport, but im sorry, thats the way i am, and he has to live with this.

8. has to read the news.

the last thing i want is for a bunch of our friends to get together and discuss the war in iraq, and for him to say "chalabi, who?". he doesnt need to have an encyclopedic knowledge, but an overview of whats happening in the world is essential. he doesnt need to have an opinion on everything, but he should be able to contribute to any intelligent conversation, whether with me, or with a big group of people.

ta da. that was easier than i thought :D

so now i have to tag 8 people. hmmm. since i see its mainly spreading among the women bloggers, i'll spread it around. so i hereby tag: goti, arka, sagnik, urmi, buchu, gypsynan, teleute and laura.


  • At 4:32 AM, Blogger Teleute said…

    what have i done to deserve a tag?

  • At 1:08 AM, Blogger mystic chick said…

    >should have good personal hygiene.

    Oooh, this is v important. I learned this recently when a very close pal got married to her college time sweetheart. Days after her marriage she realized that hubby darling does not believe in bathing every day. He splashes water under his armpits and is ready to go. *shudders*

  • At 12:20 PM, Blogger www.gypsynan.blogspot.com said…

    hmmm...this is going to get me back in the blogging game...was out of action for a bit... good to see you back though...

  • At 11:17 PM, Blogger the still dancer said…

    err...but then, I've stopped writing anythin but poetry na? Ok, I'll turn the tag into a poem-how about that?
    And bathing everyday? pray, what is that? :-D

    word verification: ekjat. didn't know javed jaffrey worked for google

  • At 11:32 AM, Anonymous Sanity Starved said…

    Two good posts in a row! Good to see you back :)


  • At 6:42 PM, Blogger expiring_frog said…

    Point 1 inspires me to propose on the spot. Do I stand a chance?

    PS: I also qualify on point 6.

  • At 8:34 PM, Blogger Vishnupriya said…

    well, teleute, you DID reply to my tag after all, no? so i was right in taggin you. and everyone else too, i think. gypsynan, please do post. i am missing your blog. and you too arka. i mean it.

    oh, and thanks sudip. i aim to please :)

    and what is this i see?? expiring frog, aren't you sukanta chaudhuri's most exceptionally brilliant son? and you proposing to me!!! i fly high! sadly, i am spoken for (sigh). and i am quite a bit older, but i would have overlooked that for you (double sigh).

  • At 9:02 PM, Blogger mystic chick said…

    Hey poison pen, you can go here and be a part of black noise.

  • At 9:04 PM, Blogger thalassa_mikra said…

    If I had the first two conditions, my boyfriend and I would have never stayed together. He's very indifferent to food. The upside to this is that it is fairly easy to convince him to try a cuisine I want to try.

    Yes no smokers for me either :) By the way, did A get to see this list?

  • At 1:11 AM, Blogger Patient Portnoy said…

    hee hee... have been doing the rounds and reading this tag. Liked the one about height, u right down honest :-)

    BTW, 5'8", W-O-W

  • At 4:58 PM, Blogger expiring_frog said…

    It's evident that my parentage is more a curse than a blessing. Nevertheless, your being spoken for is irrelevant (the guy can always be disposed of -- a small Uzi seems appropriate) and so is your age (heck, I feel 58 on a good day).

    PS: I also sporadically qualify in the other categories.

  • At 6:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "Do unto others as you would like others to do unto you."

    A slight variation:

    replace 'do' with 'expect'.

    Reference: the 8 list of expectations.

    Meanwhile am on religious and/or peace mode so referring to Margaret Thatcher's famous lines alluding to the St Francis of Assisi:

    "Where there is discord, may we bring harmony.
    Where there is error, may we bring truth.
    Where there is doubt, may we bring faith.
    where there is despair, may we bring hope."


    ~asurreptitiousmonk on the loose.

  • At 12:56 AM, Blogger Hazel Dream said…

    Expectation... so u want HIM or yourself????? why love is soo selfish .

  • At 5:55 PM, Blogger Anti-establishment Inc said…

    for those who dont know, i have recently started seeing someone..Interseting. A cook with good personal hygiene..very interesting. should be taller than me..does any human being stand a chance..:)

    Peace out,
    The beatnik baba

  • At 2:06 AM, Blogger Arthur Quiller Couch said…

    Nosey question - does your man qualify on all these counts?
    If you say 'yes', there should be a bee-line for wherever you are.

    I think most people love what they get, rather than get what they love. And some of us learn to do without.

  • At 9:58 PM, Blogger Rohini said…

    Just happened upon your blog when I pressed the next blog button. I really liked it and read quite a few of your archives as well. You should write more often!! Am linking you to my blog.

    Though I do heartily disagree with one of your very old posts from June 2005 about living in India. Here you have written - "here i have work, resources, friends, independence, security and comfort. there i have only patriotism"

    I live in India and woulld not trade it for any other place in the world. And I think I have all the other things you mentioned:

    1. Work: As long as you are capable and have decent qualifications, there is no dearth of career opportunties in India. The exceptions would be emerging fields in technology but I think that is also changing.

    2. Resources: I don't know what you mean by resources, but to me the feasibility of having domestic help is a resource that outweighs everything else. I don't have to worry about cleaning, washing and cooking and that really frees up a lot of my time to do with as I please.

    3. Friends: No dearth of that here either and there is the added benefit of close proximity to family. The latter is something that I really started to appreciate after my son was born. Now help is just a phone call away.

    4. Independence: Never had a problem with this one. My parents treated me just the same as my brother and I never felt like there was something that I couldn't do here that I would be able to do elsewhere

    5. Security: Sure girls are raped in India but the same happens in the west as well. In fact, I feel more secure here as a mother. I never have to leave my son alone or with a stranger. I have loyal and dedicated maids and my mom, as I said earlier, is just a call and a short plane ride away. That is security and peace of mind for me.

    6. Comfort: Really depends on your definition of comfort. Sure I might have to spend an hour a day in the summer without power. But on the other hand, I have three maids - one to clean, one to cook and one to watch the baby. And I am no more than upper middle class in terms of socio-economic status. Try and beat the comfort of that.

  • At 11:46 PM, Blogger Shriniwas Kulkarni said…

    I think You forgot to mention the most important criteria - "Should Be Rich - Filthy Rich"

    I guess now a days being rich has become a necessity, so it is generally assumed.

  • At 1:44 PM, Blogger Vishnupriya said…

    ooh, a gun battle over me. why, expiring frog, i am so flattered that i promise never to mention your illustrious parents again.

  • At 1:48 PM, Blogger Vishnupriya said…

    rohini, i really dont want to argue over that. its a reeaally old post, and ive already had a couple of fights, so im going to let it be.

    mystic, thanks. im writing the blank noise post right now.

    oh, and arthur, i am not telling.

  • At 11:48 AM, Blogger Gati said…

    This looks like a veritable Swayamvar!
    Good Luck.


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